SAGE (part 1)

This is going to take some explaining to get to the point of this blog but here goes: 

As most of up you know, I have moved to first grade this year. At first I was forced to move due to allocation and the decision of my boss, but then I came to an understanding, got over myself, accepted it and have grown to love the change. With the placement of students from kindergarten group into first grade, I ended up with about half my students from last year. They are good kids, mean well despite some home lives and we understand each other. They know me and my expectations of them and my rules, and I know them, their family lives, what I can expect of them and what they want to expect from me. I consider myself to be lucky because I love all my kids and I think we have a good community vibe amongst all of us. However, I do have 20 students and that is two over the SAGE limit (18). 

SAGE is when your school is over 70% poverty all classrooms K-3 are 18 or under. It used to be 15, then it was 16, and now the limit is 18. The idea behind it is good because when we have a higher poverty school - which means more social, emotional, behavioral and trauma experienced children - we need a smaller teacher to student ratio so we can do our best to meet those needs of each and every student. 

At the beginning of each year we have what is called a "third-Friday-count." It is exactly what it says:  the third Friday in September the district does a count of all the kids in each grade in each school (all 44 elementary, 8 middle, and 5 high school). Based on those numbers, they allocate (distribute) that amount of teachers at each school. Sometimes they have to add or take away teachers depending on the number of teachers already there. For example, if a school had 15-16 students in 2 classrooms at 3rd Friday, they would decide that for the rest of the year there would only need to be 2 classrooms - no extra teachers. On our third friday count we had 17-17-16 in each first grade classroom (3 classrooms). With the limit at 18 those numbers are a bit high because our transient/mobile numbers are usually very high throughout the year. We gain and lose students every first of the month....all year...

So in summary so far, our numbers are reaching SAGE limit at third Friday count and the district decides to keep us where we are. We are thankful we did not lose any teachers. Little did we know, that from September until now we would be WAY OVER....in more ways than one...

Lawyer Up!

A couple weeks back some friends and I were at the bar Hodie in Middleton. The group of us enjoyed the live band playing cover songs, some shuffle board games and some darts. It was a good evening and one of the guys in the group ended up getting my number. In the next hour after that, I come to find out that he is a really weird guy and that one of the girls in my group actually hooked up with him - ok then I'm not interested...

We were sitting at one of the high tables chatting when I made eye contact with a guy at the next table. We made some more eye contact and I realized it wasn't just me. The next time I looked he was leaning over to look at me, so I smiled and waved him over. He came over, we introduced ourselves and started chatting. He was a really good listener, asked lots of questions, has a great laugh and is SO attractive - let's call him Brent (the lawyer). While we are talking, I notice out of the corner of my eye the other guy gets kind of upset and leaves abruptly - oh well. Brent asks if he can take me out sometime and I said I would like that. He got my number and as we continued to chat the lights came on - signaling bar time (2:00). We said our goodbyes and I went home hoping he'd call (not all of them do). 

As I get home, I get a text from Brent telling me that he definitely plans to call me soon to go out and that he hopes I got home ok. That was really sweet of him - girls like it when guys do that - FYI. More next time on how our date went and what's hopefully to come 😉

Craigslist Killer over

So an update on what has been happening lately! 

Craigslist guy (Ben) and I went out and it was a good first date! We got along well and had a good time. He did end up driving here for work so he was in town, but otherwise he would have had to drive 2.5 hours! That's quite a ways away for a date. 

About a week went by and even though we chatted on the phone frequently I was not sure I wanted to continue as he was so far away. He and I were texting one night and I decided to tell him that I wasn't feeling it. We went back and forth and because I don't like lying about this stuff, I told him that it was pretty much the distance and that I don't like driving long distances for dating. Well he didn't like that answer and in a nice way, refused that answer. He said "I didn't put an ad on Craigslist to give up right away because of distance." He drives for his work and said he didn't mind driving. He made a good point so I agreed to do a second date. This time he wanted to drive to Madison for our date. We went to dinner and stayed for about 4 hours talking. We said our goodbyes and he drove all the way home at 10:30. Yes, he drove 5 hours round trip for a 4 hour date! He was really sweet. 

We ended up doing a third date as well. I decided that because he drove all the way for the second date, that I would meet him halfway this next time. A coworker of mine said he better be worth that much driving! I've never driven this far for a date. We met in Rockford, Illinois and had dinner and watched the Bears game. It was a good time but I did not enjoy driving an hour and a half back and forth! 

After the third date I decided to end it for real this time. Just couldn't do it not only for the distance but also because we had some different beliefs. He is way more religious than I am (almost pushy), and his family doesn't drink because of something that happened in the past. He doesn't even have a sip of a drink in front of his family. So you're saying holidays are a snooze?! 

I don't think he was very happy about it, and I did feel bad about it because he really was a nice guy and quite attractive, he just wasn't what I am looking for right now. 

iPads in the classroom

Here are some of my students working on my new donated iPads! They absolutely LOVE it and are so engaged!! 

Craigslist killer

I know the tittle sounds crazy but this is a good story...

In my last blog I told you how I met with a friend for drinks at The Great Dane and that I saw my ex. Well there is also something else that I didn't mention that continues this story...

As my friend and I were sitting at the table having drinks and catching up, I noticed there was quite an attractive guy sitting at a table next to us. Throughout the evening he and I made eye contact quite a bit. After a while, he and his friend got up to leave. He looked at me for a long minute and then left. I was disappointed that he didn't say hi but forgot about it after that.

The next night I'm at home relaxing and watching tv. I start to think about that guy from the night before and I decide that I'm just going to wander onto the Craigslist site "Missed Connections." Probably will never happen but you never know! Sure enough there was an ad for me on there! I took a picture of it and it's attached below. 

I ended up responding and we've been talking ever since. We are going on a date tomorrow as he will be in town (lives two hours away😕). We call each other the creepy Craigslist killer even though it's nothing like that - but it is funny! 

I'll keep you posted on the date! 

Run in

Last night I met for drinks with an old friend from hgh school. It was so good to see her and catch up! We were there for a while and about after an hour or more, I glance up and see my ex coming in to sit at the bar. 

Let me preface this by the fact that he messages me two nights before asking: "will be in town on Wednesday if you wanna grab a cocktail?" I said "Thanks but I have plans." I would have had "plans" even if I didn't! P

Anyways he walks in and doesn't see me or if he does, he plays it off well. I kind if freak out because I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to him or see him but I want him to recognize that we're in the same room and I want him to feel uncomfortable. But then I remember he doesn't really know the truth about why I REALLY broke up with him (refer to blogs 'Time heals all wounds' and 'the phone call'). So my friend helps me out and tells me when I can move my stool so my back is to him. It's hard not to look but as she and I chatted more, I realized it was not worth it. We said our goodbyes and I drove 2 blocks down to another friends' place to tell her all about it! 

I have such great friends... 😄

33 of 180

Today we had our first field trip of the year. We went to the overture Center for a show called Doktor Kaboom! I had never heard of him before but when I looked up the synopsis of what his show would be like it's described with fun science experiments, explosions, and audience participation. The kids were super pumped about the field trip and couldn't wait to go! 

We got to the Overture Center and had to drive around in our bus to find a parking spot in the rain. When you get to the overture Center it is always crazy and full of people walking in the doors all at the same time. It seems like mass chaos - trying to corral all of our 32 kids and keeping track of them is quite stressful. We finally get to our seats in the Capitol theater and I am sweating like crazy! 

The lights go down and Doktor Kaboom walks out onto the stage. We are all pumped and waiting in excitement for what he is going to do...are you as excited to find out as we were?! Well don't be...

He came on to the stage and started chatting about science and what it means. He then proceeded to do an experiment where a rubber glove is sucked into a jar - example of a vacuum. That's cool and all, but from where we were sitting, it wasn't much. This also took 15 minutes because he explained it all along with personal stories - we don't care, just show us more stuff! More than half of what he said went over the kids heads. Next experiment was a catapult. Sounds cool but when he tries to shoot 25 pieces of banana into a girls mouth and it doesn't work, there should have been a time to let it go and move on! That took another 20 minutes. The last two science experiments were about the same. The worst part of the show was his constant jibber jabber at an excessive speed in a German accent - the kids just could not keep up! 

During the show the kids got really antsy - I couldn't blame them - I was texting a fellow teacher up a couple rows! One of my students asked me about mid-show: "can we go home yet?" We all know that when a student asks you to go back to school to do work instead of being on a field trip means this SUCKS. After a bit longer, another one of my students asks me when we can leave. Thank goodness it was only 5 minutes longer! The show was an hour and the Doktor did only 4 experiments. We were hoping for some explosions or fire! Your name is KABOOM for goodness sakes! 

When we got back to school I sat the kids down and we discussed how you can have expectations and hopes and how they might not always be what you thought. I told them that we would make a rocket (like the Doktor did) late on in the year and they got pretty excited about that.

You can't win 'em all and I am so proud of my students for doing the best they could! 

26 of 180 - Taxi!

Each day brings something different...here's today's...

We have a child Shawn who I believe is too immature for kindergarten. He's had NO prior exposure, has a late July birthday, is a boy, and cannot work by himself or with others without interrupting, getting into confrontations or without a teacher there 100% of gage time. It's impossible to teach small groups with him in the room. 

I emailed our principal about him a couple days ago and asked her what the process is in retaining a child (moving him back a grade or only doing half-day kindergarten). She had responded with a number of "compelling reasons" that we would need to consider. We'd also need to sit down with his Mom in November about how she felt in regards to this option. So in other words, she was pretty much telling me it's probably not going to pan out... 

Ok that's your background knowledge :)

The end of the day comes and Shawn needs to get to his cab (which is at the other end of the school). He and his family are homeless right now and are living with a family on the south side. Persuint to the homelessness rights, Shawn is allowed to still attend his home school (us) even though he doesn't live in our area, for 90 days while they are looking for housing. Therefore the district pays for the transportation. He's been doing this for the last week or more, so today I told him I'd watch him walk to his cab - he could do it by himself. 

So he starts walking and almost every 10 seconds he turns around and waves at me. He does a great job and gets to the other side of the school where the taxis are waiting at the curb and goes to walk into the van. I see the man take him by the hand and bring him back to the sidewalk and try to talk to the crossing guard. I rush all the way over there, he sees me, grabs my hand and hugs me - looking sad. The cab driver tells me that he had an order to drive Shawn home but it changed to a different set of sisters. So we stood there waiting for Union Cab to eventually come but they never do...

The school social worker Alli comes out and we decide to take him to the office and call the cab company because they never showed with another cab. I leave him with her because she said she would handle it. She does this all the time, so I trust her completely. 

I walk down the hall about 10 minutes later and he's sitting in the hall (she's on the phone trying to figure out his transportation) and eating Flamming Hot Cheetos. I sit on the table next to him and start chatting with him. I try one of his Cheetos - way to hot for me! He's laughing at me and I realize I really enjoy him when he's not interrupting my teaching or causing problems. Alli gets off the phone with the cab dispatcher and calls Shawn's mom. She tells her that he will be picked up in 15-20 minutes, and home in about 30-45 minutes. Mom seems fine with that. Alli takes him with her to her office so I continue on with doing my work after school. About 15-20 minutes later (this is about 45-50 minutes after school lets out) I walk by the library and see her carrying him across the library. I'm walking back  to the copier and as I'm making my copies I realize that she is trying to watch him (waiting for his cab) and sititing in a meeting for our school leadership. As I head back to my classroom, I stop in and ask her if she'd like me to take him out. She is thankful for that and as I'm grabbing his things and taking his hand, the principal says to me: "we might be having that meeting sooner." I'm in a rush and didn't realize at the time that this might have sounded rude, but I say back to her: "oh, you think?" I take Shawn back to my room and he colors and plays while I try to get some work done, chatting to me the whole time. 

Eventually Alex comes in to take him to his cab that is finally here. I tell her not to worry about it, I'll take him down she can go back to her meeting. We walk part of the way together and she thanks me again, telling me that not all teachers would do that. I understand that our time with students is done at this point, but he's still here, I have a relationship with him and it's not always about time and our contract with me. I wish more would think like that. 

I take him down to the cab and am strapping him in while saying to the cab driver: "we're running a bit late today huh?" He seems confused and tells me that he didn't get this call until 20 minutes ago. So obviously the communication problem came from the dispatcher when he changed cab orders. 

We think it's all done from here...but...

I'm walking out of the building at about 3:45 - finally headed to the gym, and Alli is in the hall trying to listen to her voicemail. Apparently the cab with Shawn got to his apartment and Mom wasn't there. Alli gave him Mom's number but she wasn't answering. Alli had a nasty voice message from the dispatcher (not the driver) that she was rude for not answering her phone - she was in a meeting - and that they would be driving Shawn back to school and there better be someone there to receive him. Like this was all her fault?! 

Poor little Shawn was just trying to get home, which wasn't even his stable home, and the cab is late and when they finally get him home, no one is there or responds. It's a lose lose situation here! Alli was waiting for Shawn when I left but I didn't see the cab drive through the neighborhood when I was leaving. Alli is one of the best social workers I have ever known and she is 110% dedicated, but it's hard for her (and us) to do our jobs when communication lines break down and when not everyone plays their part. This is where the accountability plays it's part...

18 of 189

Today was a pretty good day. This morning started off when we were in the breakfast line. One of the kindergarteners asked me how to spell 'awkward.' Not sure where that came from or why, and I am sure he has no idea what that means! Anyways...

Me: a

Him: a 

Me: w

Him: w

Me: k

Him: k

Me: w

Him: w

Me: a

Him: a

Me: r

Him: r

Me: d

Him: d

He pauses waiting for me to say more and when he realizes we are done he jumps up and down and says: Ha - I just spelled awkward!!

Then this afternoon ends with a bang. We had a courage assembly today and only a few kids from each grade get awards for estimating, and for being courageous. The student that spelled awkward in the morning was sitting crying at the end of the assembly. I come to find out that he is very upset he didn't get any awards. I try to explain to him that not everyone does each time, and if he looked at his friends he would see they didn't all get awards either and they were not crying - we need to be a big boy. He wasn't having it and kept crying and coughing. He ended up coughing so hard he puked on himself and on me! 

I talked with his Nana and Tete after school and they laughed, apologized to me (which is not what I was looking for), and told me he was just being a drama queen (which he does frequently at home). I figured that, but now I smell like puke! Oh well - it's just a part of the job. 

Live Laugh Love

Today I received this gift from a wonderful friend and colleague at work. She read my blog and had the perfect gift to make me smile today. I work with such wonderful, kind and caring people! 

14 of 180

In regards to the group of kiddos  I have this year, I am a really lucky teacher. I have a great group of kids and I forgot how great it is to start with first graders rather than kindergarteners! I don't have to teach them how to walk down the hall or teach them the specifics of my classroom because half of them already know it and the other half is smart enough to figure it out! They make me laugh and smile everyday! 

This takes me back to the time when my principal told me that I was going to switch grades. At the time, I hated the world, hated her and was mad about everything. I didn't want to accept it...but as time went on I got over it and myself and decided to try and make the best of it. Through this whole ordeal I've learned that sometimes when you're forced to do something you don't want to do, that it actually can end up being a great thing for me and for others around me. I need to be better at taking things with stride and thinking about the good things that can come from a decision rather than all the negative. I believe this has helped me become a better person... 😉

Scary Movie!

October is almost here and you know what that means?! SCARY MOVIE MONTH! Cannot wait! 

The phone call

Ok here's the phone call to end it:

I was planning on calling him after work on Friday. On my way out of school he actually ends up calling me. It kinda throws me off and when I hear his voice and we start chatting I almost chicken out.

Then we start talking about what we are doing this weekend. He has his kid this weekend and was telling me about what they were going to do. He asked me what I was planning to do with my whole weekend off. I was surprised by this because he knows I am free all weekend, yet he doesn't invite me to join him and his son at all. I've met his son, so why am I not invited to anything? 

Then he goes on to talk about how he is so busy the next month or two with work. He is going to have to travel to Iowa, New York, etc and has some upcoming weekends with the guys. I am also agreeing because my weekends are either partially free or most likely filled with Badger tailgating. At this point I realize it is my opening. Here goes...

"We'll I've actually been wanting to tell you something. I don't think this is really working for me anymore.' 

I go on to explain that it's the distance and that even though I didn't have a plan for our relationship, this is now how I envisioned it going. I decide not go go into all the other details because at this point I am just done with it all and don't need to talk about all that other shit that will end up making me feel even worse. Instead I decide to say:

"I don't feel like we are where we were 2 months ago." I also said: "I feel like there's more distance between us - you're not calling me as much and I'm not calling you as much. You feel that too right?" 

He somewhat agreed but did seem slightly surprised at it all. 

We continued to agree on it all and at the end of the convo he asks if it's ok that when he's in town for work if we could go out for a drink. That's fine with me. He then proceeds to tell me: "and when you're in Milwaukee and you need some casual sex, give me a call." Seriously?! Come on dude I'm not like that and if you know me at all you would know that. At my weird reaction he says: "ha I'm just kidding...but not really. That door will always be open." 

Thanks but no thanks. Haven't contacted him since and haven't heard from him - the way I prefer it and the only way I will move past this quicker. 

I am not the type of person to dwell over something or try to make it something that it's not. Maybe that is a gift of mine but maybe it is also a flaw. I am so easily able to cut it off and end it and not make any further contact. Of course I am hurting inside and am feeling off my game, but is contacting him or feeling sorry for myself going to help? NO WAY. I'm on my way up from all this and can't wait to find someone that makes me feel like I'm beautiful everyday, like I am the only person that will make him happy...

Someday I will look back and laugh at these blogs right?!

3 of 180

This is what I did on my Thursday night - tedious but it's all a part of the job. 

6 of 180

Today was a pretty good day. It's still tough because I am still having to show the sub how to do everything. I am also a bit worried because she doesn't have strong behavior management skills and I don't want my teammate to come back to chaos. 

We came in from recess and one of my boys tells me that they were playing like 'men' outside. I asked him what that meant and he looked at me like I should know the answer - "we did what men do." I asked what that is. He said: "well we finish school, got a job, took care of the women and girls." I asked him if he went to college before he got his job and he said no he didn't need to. I sat down with him and told him that he should go to college before getting a job. He looked at me confused and told me that he knows some men who didn't go to college and have a job. I agreed but told him that he would be going to college. I asked him: "you're going to go to college right?" He smiled and said "yes, yes I will!"

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I do a "walking group" into the neighborhood. I get a bunch of students together and I walk them home. Our school is not in the best of neighborhoods and some people think it's too dangerous to walk into, but I disagree. The kids love it and I get to see and talk with parents and other people in the neighborhood. This was the first time this year I finally started so I reminded the kids that I will be doing it again twice a week! Some of the girls reminded me to bring shoes so when I wear heels I can be comfortable! You got it girls! 

Time Heals All Wounds

I guess it's time to write about my latest relationship and exactly how and why I needed to end it...

I thought this relationship had potential. We got along great and had so many things in common: got along well with each others friends, enjoyed doing various activities together, we were both athletic and liked to eat healthy and much more. We even had a great story of how we met! I thought that maybe he would last and that I would finally be able to say the "L" word for the first time...I was wrong 😕

I guess it didn't really start feeling wrong until about two weeks before the breakup. I noticed that he wasn't calling as often. We usually chatted every day and one of us (usually him) would call and we'd talk for a white. It had started to slow down and he would email me and forward me health articles instead of taking the time to pick up the phone and call. 

The first day of school and the last day of school are probably the most important days in the careers of teachers. Sadly I did not even get a text or phone call from him on the first day of school. On the second day I texted him and said: "I wouldn't have minded a call from you yesterday." Still didn't hear from him so when I called a couple hours later he didn't even acknowledge it and was just reading a book. Lame. On the third day, he sent me another health article...

And for that matter, the article was about artificial sugars and how they can cause ASD (artificial sugar disease). I thought it odd and emailed back joking that its just another thing to add to our list of things that will kill us! He emailed back (again without calling) and told me that I needed to "rethink my diet soda intake." Sorry buddy but I drink one-a-day and I'm not about to let you tell me what I can drink. This is one example but there were more as I thought on it throughout our relationship that made me think he was a bit controlling. I emailed him back and said: "thanks for emailing instead of calling." He never acknowledged that either...

So we are at our first Badger tailgate together. He comes late (which is normal for him), and we've already gotten a pretty good start. I told a friend that I was nervous about him coming because I didn't want him to be a downer like he was for a past Brewer tailgate. He literally sat off to the side (kind of pouting) and was anti-social because he was tired and didn't want to have to talk to all the new people and be fake like he was the whole day before at the wedding and reception. Seriously?! That's what wedding weekends and tailgates are all about - socializing! Anyways, I was pleasantly surprised and he did a great job socializing and being fun at the tailgate. 

We ended up going to the bar to watch the game. That was a good time until one of us brought up the whole distance thing (Milwaukee-Madison). I had been drinking for a while so I was not in the right state of mind to have a deep discussion and became a bit dramatic and started getting upset as we tried to talk about it more. He suggested we talk somewhere else so we told our friends we'd meet them at another bar.

We left the bar and ended up sitting on a curb and talking about it, even though it probably was not the most ideal time to do this. It was weighing on both our minds. We discussed how close he could come (because of his son) and how far out I could go), and what we would do in regards to my condo. I had suggested he live with me until we know it works and then we find a place over there, but he said that just would not work. Now don't worry this was just talk of what we would do in the future, nothing happening soon. Long story short though, it became pretty clear that neither of us was willing to make a big sacrifice for the other. 

We continued to talk about different aspects of our relationship and somehow it lead to other issues. I ended up telling him that I have very high insecurities with a specific part of my body and I always have. Instead of making a smart choice, he tells me that he has been having issues with it as well (yes issues with this part of my body) and that he talked with a friend of his because he wasn't sure what to do. He said that his friend told him that some girls have this and that's just how it goes. He ends up telling me that I am beautiful in other ways and he will have to live with it. At the time this kind of flew over my head but as the week went on, I realized there were SO MANY things wrong with this discussion, and it ultimately lead to me ending it. Maybe it's because I didn't want to let him go, but I had to get the opinions from my 2 best friends in order to truly realize this was wrong. 

Here are the things that were wrong with that discussion:

1. He made the choice to tell me he has issues with my number one insecurity - making me feel 100 times more insecure. Boyfriends should never do that.

2. He wasn't sure WHAT TO DO? What would you do? Why is there something you feel you should do? Do what?!

3. Then he went and talked with his friend about this part of my body. He should never have done that in that way, and then tell me! Now what does this friend think and what else has my boyfriend been talking to his friends about?

4. This is the first time he's EVER told me that I'm beautiful.

5. Finally, he said he'd have to live with it. That makes me feel like shit and he shouldn't have ever said that he'd "have to live with it." I shouldn't feel like I am disappointing him with something that has been a part of me for the entire time weve been dating. He should be making me feel better about myself. 

This got me thinking about another thing he has said to me before that is related to this and to him being controlling. He once told me that he feels that strong couples should be able to tell each other when they are gaining weight, need to get into the gym and need to eat better to look better. I guess I agree to a point but people need to be careful when doing that and I don't know if his intentions are coming from the right place.

In our conversation that Badger day, I did end up telling him that he had been a downer at the Brewer tailgate and that I was nervous for him to come today. He asked for me to tell him more things that I had issues with him, what he needed to change, how his body could look better. but I didn't go on. 

I honestly think that he was trying giving me a window, so he could have a window to tell me what he did. I don't work like that and what he has said and done has taken a huge hit on my self-esteem. It makes me so mad that after all the hurt I've been through with men that I wouldn't be able to move past it and forget about him, but it's stuck with me and I just can't shake it as easily as I usually can...time heals all wounds right? Lets hope so...

More to come on the actual breakup convo...

Day 1 of 180...

I'm sorry I have been so bad at blogging because I've been dating someone and don't always want to put stuff up here...so I've decided to document my current school year and the unique things I deal with or encounter everyday, so here goes...

Day 1 of 180 days of school:

1. First day of school - so by the time I even encounter new students at 7:30 I am sweating.

2. We have a student who is a "wanderer." He feels the need to leave wherever he is to find me to make sure he knows what is going on and what is going to happen next. The other teachers that are supposed to be watching him seem to think its ok for him to leave. Come on!

3. My best friend/teammate is out in maternity leave - and I never realized how well her and I worked together until now. There were unsaid things that just happened between the two if us that I forget about and now the substitute freaks out and is ready to cry about. I am so so so so so happy for her but I also miss her and would never want to work with anyone else. You don't truly miss what you have until it's gone right?

4. We have a "clinger" or another term is a "helicopter" parent. She can't bring herself to leave her child. I tell her very kindly that it is time for him to become an independent learner and show her where she can pick him up at 1:00. I come back later and she ends up being with him ALL DAY. We know you love them and sometimes it can be harder for the parent than the actual child. It's OK to LET GO.

5. Lunch check in - checking in all the students at the computer for both classes, then helping them get through the salad bar and opening all their lunches = 10 minutes for me to eat. 

6. It's 12:15 and I have not sat down once since 6:30 - yep my feet are killing me!

7. Dismissal - this is probably the worst part of the day. Making sure all students are where they need to go at the end of the day. Kindergarteners have no idea where they need to go and with who, so if you haven't asked when they were dropped off in the morning, you will have a hard time in the afternoon. There is also always one child who you'll misplace, and of course we did that today. We ran around the building twice only to call the family (who only spoke Spanish) to find out she and her brother walked home without telling us. She was supposed to be in the after-school program so grandma was going to bring her back. We then had to communicate with the office and with the director of the after-school program to let them know we contacted the family, found the children and this is what was going to happen. 

8. After all the students are gone all I want to do is sit down and decompress but now we need to sort out all the tons of supplies, and put them away (which we never really have room for). 

9. Even when I think I am done and I can relax I need to meet with the sub and discuss how the day went. She looks like she is ready to cry again so we talk about how it went, and what we could do tomorrow to make it better. There are also people that were not in to help that I thought would be there...which leads me to my next thing...

10. After my meeting with the sub I need to go find people that could have offered her support today and weren't there. I talk with a couple and they agree to check in many times the rest of the week. I talk with the one person that should have been there and she argues with me that she needs to get testing done (deadline is in 2 weeks). Sorry, but right now - these first couple days - are WAY more important than your testing that can get done later this week or next week. Even though she agrees to stop in tomorrow she seems miffed and upset that I interrupted her planning - tough shit, this is what we and the students need. 

Ok so that's all I can think of for today - but please remember it is the first day - this is just a little insight into what happens, and it's not even half of what I could tell you, but now I need to decompress and GO TO BED! 

We will see what tomorrow brings :)

Old Match Date

Writing all these fun stories reminds me of a date I had many years ago...of course it ended up being a guy from match.com so you know how it will end but here goes...

I was chatting with this guy Adam and we decided to meet downtown at The Great Dane. I went there early with a friend to have a drink to ease my nerves. This was one of the first times I had been on match so I wasn't sure how things would go. I probably had one too many because when he got there I was really feelin it. We were downstairs of the Dane so it was kind of dark. We chatted for a while and got along ok. I thought he might be a bit nerdy but why not give it a try? It was winter time, so he suggested we go ice-skating (yes this was HIS idea). I was surprised by this but said sure why not. He pushed it a bit further by suggesting the next day - I agreed. He told me that Elver park has skating and that we could meet there. I was pretty sure that there was no rink there yet (I drive by it everyday on the way to work) but he was insistent it was there so we decided to meet there the next day.  

I drive into the parking lot and of course there is no skating rink. He is annoyed by this so I play it cool and tell him let's just drive together to Tenney park. So he ended up driving us there. While we were in the car I noticed his old-school all white reebok sneakers, totally worn out and not as cool as you think. They reminded me of a grandpa's shoes. Now I am not one to judge on shoes alone but...seriously... guys you have to know we do look at that! Anyways, we get to the park and finally get out on the ice. Ice skating is not nearly as cool or as fun as it was when we were kids...I was bored within 10 minutes. 

So anyways we go on two more dates (hockey game and drinks) and then I head to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for my best friends' wedding. It was a blast and while I was there I didn't think about Adam for even a second - definitely a sign. 

I ended up flying back on a Wednesday (so I could work Thursday and Friday) but it was SO cold they called off school for both days. I was nice to just be at home relaxing and getting situated before I started school on Monday. Finally on Saturday I called Adam to get together so I could tell him I wasn't feeling it. When we were talking on the phone he was upset with me because he knew when I got back into town and was wondering why I hadn't called him yet. Um I'm sorry dude but I was connecting with friends and getting situated. He didn't like that answer and I should have known to end it there on the phone but I'm too nice and I decide to go out with him that night. 

He picks me up and we head out to go eat. Afterwards we decide to go mini-golfing since we are practically next door. Not sure why I am extending the date as I want to end it, but I just hadn't come across a good time to do it. Finally we are headed toward my place and he is talking about watching a movie at my place (no way!). I tell him that I am actually responsible for letting out my friends' dog (the ones who got married). Here's the conversation that happened:

Me: I'm sorry but I actually need to go over and let their dog out tonight

Adam: oh that's cool it'll only take a minute

Me: No she is a really lonely dog and I need to be there for a while to hang out

Adam: oh ok then I'll come in with you

Me: We'll she really doesn't like other people and she's a pretty big dog (Lucy is a little shiatsu and loves people) 

Adam: (finally) I don't understand what's going on here, do you not want to hang out?

Me: Well I think that we've hung out a couple of times and I'm just not feeling it, sorry

Adam: What? Are you kidding me? Why are you on match.com then?

Me: What do you mean why? I want to date and meet new people, just like everyone else

Adam: Well it doesn't look like that to me. You're not even giving this a try! All you care about is your friends!! (Yelling at me at this point)

Me: I'm sorry Adam but I told you from day one that my family and friends were the most important thing to me. And I am on match to date people but if it doesn't work it doesn't work

Adam: I get the whole friend thing but it should change when you are dating someone. I should be important to you now. (seriously?! 3 dates?!)

Me: Sorry but I just don't think it will work 

He goes into yelling at me more for not appreciating online dating for what it is and that I shouldn't be dating online and putting myself out there if I'm not ready to date. Not really the case buddy - just don't want to date YOU.

Finally I get out of his car and he's parked right next to a snow bank in front of my bundling. So I have to get out of his jeep and literally shimmy down his car to the back to get to a place where I can climb the snow embankment to get to the sidewalk. As I am climbing the snow pile, he all of a sudden revs his engine to take off and his tires start spinning. As he is doing this and takes off, he spits snow ALL over me - head to toe. I stand there stunned, not sure what to do. I can't say for certain but I swear he looked back at me in his rear view mirror. I brush myself off, go inside to change and go back out to have some drinks with friends - yes the people that are important to me. 

He ended up texting me that night telling me that he couldn't believe he wasted UW hockey tickets on me (took me to a game), and that I wasted his time. I never responded and I think that made him more mad but eventually they died down and I never heard from him again. 

A couple weeks later a friend of mine told me that she had been talking to this guy Adam on match. We looked and it was the same one! I told her to stay away! She ended up telling him that I had said that and he resorted to telling her I was crazy. Is that what the crazy guys all go with? If it doesn't work, the chick is crazy?! Come on! Ridiculous...

At least I got a good story out of it! 

Bachelorette Party continued...

I forgot to add this to my story before but after we got on the vans and left Showboat, we decided to head to the Kalahari bar for an after party. I did not feeling like going in there so I laid down on the floor outside the bar and took a little snooze. Now mind you, the floor I was on connected to the hotel so it was safe and quiet :) After a while I woke up to laughing. I look up and see six men from hotel security laughing at me. They asked me if I was ok and I said yes, I was waiting for my friends to come out of the bar. They walked on and I realized that they were laughing at me because I was laying there sleeping still holding on to that small plastic penis. I'm sure my photo is out there somewhere! Oh well we had a good laugh. 

Finally we all got on the van again, went back to our cottage and at pizzas and sandwiches. The Indian boys from next door popped over and some of the ladies went over there. Friendly neighbors! The girls told me I should go over there because there were lots of guys, but I was just really enjoying eating my sandwich and hydrating so I stayed out. It was an epic night and I think everyone enjoyed themselves the way we should! I think we couldn't have asked for a better night! 

Bachelorette Party Fun!

A little over a month ago we had the bachelorette party for one of my best friends! I was so excited! We put in a lot of work getting decorations, planning food and drink, and I even had fun making peacock feather clips for all the girls. We headed down there on Friday night and just the bridal party stayed in a smaller room at the Kalahari. We went out to dinner at Ginza - sooooo good! Then we just went back to the room and hung out. 

The next morning we woke up, cleaned up our room and headed to Devils Lake for a hike. It was a little windy but a great hike and a good chance for us girls to bond. Great idea from the bride on that one! After the hike we headed back to the Kalahari and our special mini-cottage to get changed and go to the water park for a while! It was so nice swimming, hanging in the hot tub and just letting loose together. We need to do this more often! We didn't get as much time at the water park as we would have liked but we needed to get back to start setting up the place for all our guests coming! 

People started arriving around 4:30/5:00 and helped us continue to get the place ready. I was excited about the decorations because the bride had not seen any of this happening and came down all surprised - so fun! We started out just mingling for a while and then she opened all her presents! I think it was exactly how she pictured her party :) Then after a while we started going upstairs to change into our sparkly clothes! Music got turned up and drinks poured a little faster. Since I was one of the few single girls at this party, the other girls were telling me that tonight could be a good chance for me to meet a guy. I had no intention of that as I was there for my friend's bachelorette party and we were in the Dells. I haven't met anyone good at a bar in all the time I've been going so why would tonight be any different. I honestly didn't care for that tonight - it was ladies night with all the coolest ladies I know!

Eventually we called the Kalahari and the vans came to take us to Showboat. We decided to go to the club Showboat instead of Marleys or Wett because we were looking for good music and to be able to dance and not get raped while we're doing it! Showboat was perfect - wood floors, many different kinds of music that we could dance to, and we were up on the stage most of the night! It was a blast! 

After a while I needed a break so I went down some stairs to another bar and sat down at a table by myself. I didn't feel unsafe at all so I just hung out there and people watched. Soon a blonde guy came over to me and sat down by me and asked me why I was holding a plastic penis in my hand. I laughed and looked down, realizing that I was in fact holding a plastic penis that we had used back at the resort for a ring toss game! We started chatting and he ended up telling me he was there for a bachelor party - fancy that! A girl from the party came over and asked if I was ok and I told her we were fine - he actually seems like a nice guy! We went up to the bar and got another drink and talked for quite a while longer. I learned he lives in Milwaukee and is also 31. He was really sweet and asked me "if I come to Madison would you go out on a date with me?" I instantly said yes and we hugged goodbye. I was really looking forward to going out with this guy, whose name is Nick!

I won't go into details any further, but things have been going very well with Nick and that is the story of how I met my amazing boyfriend :)

...now I just need to get him to move to Madison...hehe :)

NCEBC

A couple months back my principal came up to me and asked me what my teaching partner and I would think about this opportunity: going to Chicago for a conference called National Council on Educating Black Children (NCEBC) for 4 days (5 nights). I was immediately interested because from the many opportunities our staff has been offered throughout the last couple years, kindergarten teachers have never been included. This was finally our chance. However I did have some hesitations as well because the last couple years in my building have been tense between teachers because of this same topic. We all want to help in closing the achievement gap but the way it's been presented has not been the most welcoming. My teaching partner and I decided it would be an opportunity that we could not refuse (even though we had to write sub plans for 3 days...ugh).

My mindset going into this conference was not resisting or negative but wanting to hear what they had to say and what I can add to my toolbox to reach and help these children as soon as possible. I'm not going to go into every day of the conference but here is a list of things I have learned or am taking back to the classroom with me (please remember that some of these things are common sense for a lot of us teachers, but not all practice it):
1. No matter who and where they come from always have high expectations. Low expectations=low performing students.
2. No ONE program will solve the achievement gap. It has to be a system of supports to make it successful.
3. There NEEDS to be consistency amongst the teachers in regards to behavior management and expectations, curriculum and overall school atmosphere.
4. Let's start young - we are ALL going to college after high school!
5. Building relationships with our students is extremely crucial to their learning process. Buildings relationships with our students' families is just as important. Put yourself out there to make it known to the families you are here to support them in their child's learning. The lack of parent involvement however is not an excuse we need to work with or without it.
6. How to you Hold families responsible for their child's education? They need to want to be a key part of this process.
7. We need to be aware of where our students are coming from. Are they coming to school hungry? Are they in the same clothes as yesterday? Have they showered or bathed recently? Do they have a consistent dinner every night? When I send a snack home do they need to hide it under their bed so they can eat over the weekend? Do they just need a hug and someone to tell them they are loved? We need to build relationships with out students. Is school even discussed at home? Is there that home/school connection? All of this happens daily...
7. We as teachers are all taking this journey as well and no one is smarter or better than the other. We need to learn from each other and have a working relationship I which you can do so .
8. Let's be flexible with everything: our students, our coworkers, how each day goes, problems that arise and how we manage curriculum and instruction. I wear a rubber band on my wrist every day to mind myself of this - do the same if you believe.
9. We need to treat school like a business. We are all coming here to do a job - let's dress and act professionally because that is what we are here to be. This is our job. Business in=business out or garbage in=garbage out.
10. Even though we don't have the same culture and experiences as our students it does not mean that we can not learn, accept and include their cultures into our school/classrooms. We can all still be successful.
11. ALL staff in the building must have high expectations of all students and each other. We also all need to be accountable for holding others to those standards.
12. We need to find ways to promote and recognize all kinds of achievements (attendance, academics, social and emotional...) building wide. (Ties at Urban Prep - buttons)
13. It takes a village and that village takes responsibility.
14. This is a process and there will not be immediate results but we need to stay strong and united every year.

All this info is great but as a colleague asked...where are the tools to use that go with this? What can we take back to our classrooms to use and to create a better more engaging atmosphere? In my next blog I will explain what I am hoping to accomplish not only in my classroom but also throughout the entire school.

Chi-Town

Chi-town for a conference!

Dodged a Bullet

Man am I lucky!

I was at a friends' house for a Friday night fish fry- so yummy and so much fun! It was a fun group of 8 drinking and enjoying our Friday night. Some of the boys were talking about going out afterwards but us ladies didn't plan on that. I was in my Brewers gear with my hair in a ponytail - not in any state to go up bar hopping.

Anyways, we hung out for a while, the boys left to go out and us ladies finished cleaning up the kitchen. After that I ended up driving my way home - took the beltline for some reason - which I never do. In the time I was driving home I received a number of texts from my a guy friend that was downtown and met up with the guys that were at the fish fry. It was only 10:30 and I decided why not go to meet them out? WHY NOT?! I wasn't dressed great but who cares! So I got off the beltline, turned around and got back on quickly and started heading downtown. I turned up the music, belated out some tunes and didn't think about anything. I had no idea that in the dark there was a cop driving right behind me.

Lights come on and at first I am confused but then realize I was speeding on the beltline and not paying attention to anything. I pull over to the left and he comes up right behind me - I hate it when they leave their lights on full blast and we are both stopped - can't they just dim the lights a bit to keep the sting away from being pulled over?

So I sit there for a minute, turn down the music and then realize I need to get my ID and insurance card out. I reach to get my purse and as I am pulling it up it seems a bit light to me...shit I don't have my wallet...

He walks up to the car and at this point I know a ticket is coming my way. He shines his flashlight in my face (even though I had a drink earlier I wasn't feeling it at this point but I was afraid I had red wine teeth) and asks me if I know why he pulled me over. I told him I know I was speeding and I was sorry - I was just rocking out to my music and not paying attention. He told me that he agreed and it was unsafe and that when I got onto the beltline I had recklessly gotten over to the left lane to speed up (little did he know I wanted to get way over and around the old grannies that were driving 10 under, but who am I to argue?). Then he asked for my license...shit....

I lifted up my empty purse and showed him inside and told him that I had grabbed my purse but forgot my wallet in my other purse. Total mistake. He asked for any other ID with my name/picture on it. Of course I have nothing, but thank goodness I DO have my insurance card! I hand that to him and he goes back to his car for a what seems like an eternity.

Finally he comes back and hands me my insurance card. He tells me again how I was speeding, driving 'recklessly' and driving without a license. I would have a $350 ticket on my hands. I apologized profusely, admitted that I was speeding and not paying attention as I was jamming out and that I'd be more careful...so as he handed me the papers he told me that he was giving me a....warning!! OMG I am so lucky I can't believe it! I thanked him again and off he went.

As I pulled away, he did as well and he followed me the whole way until I got off the beltline! Now any sane person would have gone home at this point but I had been texting my friends downtown and they convinced me to come down for a couple to recoup from what I had just experienced - twisted my arm! Now the only question was how I would get into the bars and pay for drinks - another issue for the night...

First bar I go to I usually know the bouncer - but guess what, be wasn't at the door! Some chick was falling around drunk right outside the door causing a scene so I walked in and before he could ask for my ID I told him that he might want to get some help for her...totally worked! Found my friends and they bought me a shot and a drink to celebrate and calm my nerves. After a while they decided to leave and go to another bar...hopefully I can get it!

We went down the street to Merchant and as we were walking in an annoying bigger man was walking out that I know through Magnet (social networking). I said hello immediately and chatted with him to walk back in with me and cover me from the bouncers - totally worked but now I was stuck with bad-breath-annoying man! We ended up saying our goodbyes and again my guy friends bought me drinks.

All in all it was a great night, but I was so lucky and definitely dodged a bullet. This was a wake up call to me and I am sure to drive more carefully from now on - especially if I am to buy a new RED car this summer!

Wing Man

A bunch of girls and I went out last night. I had gone out the night before so I was not in it for the long haul but thought why not go out for a drink or two?! Need to keep putting myself out there!

We went to DLUX first - I love that place. It has such a cool vibe and it feels like you're in Chicago or New York. It was kind of dead so we decided to head to Merchant a block down. It was also kind of dead there but it started heating up more as the night went on. Merchant ended up being the place to be because more and more people came that I knew! It was super fun and I ended up talking with a guy for a while (let's call him Mr Shorty). He seemed pretty cool and we got along well. After a while though he ended up going to talk to another girl (even though he had gotten my number already)...not cool dude.

Then we ended up going to where we always seem to go...Madison's. We were waiting in line to get in and who skips the entire line to get in with us...yep Mr Shorty and he's super drunk. I'm not into him anymore at this point and then he pulls out a cigarette and is asking everyone in line for a lighter because his matches keep blowing out! I told the bouncer as he was letting us all in that he wasn't with us :) Hehe.

Now Madison's can either be super ghetto and not fun, or it can be a good time with lots of good-looking people. It was super busy in the bar and I noticed there were actually a lot of potentials! I was excited about that but because of some previous drama within the group I didn't have the wing men in my girls I needed! I also didn't really feel like drinking at this point and thought I'd try this all sober - maybe not a good idea because then I wasn't as social as I normally am. I made eye contact with one guy but he ended up being there with another girl. I chatted with another guy while he was at the bar getting a drink and I thought it was going well but I turn around to talk to one of the girls and when I turn back he's gone! I tried to move around so I'd be closer to a third guy and he seemed like he wanted to talk to me but I ended up getting pulled out of the bar to go across the street! Three strikes and I'm out.

Now usually as many of you know, I'm a pretty outgoing person and quite aggressive when it comes to something I want. Lately I've been thinking about that and it hasn't worked yet so maybe I should change my game? I would totally have gone up to these guys and said something but I am so unsure of myself lately that I don't know if that would work anymore! I also usually have one of my best friends with me and she rocks at being a wing man. She helps me scope out the scene, moves closer and 'bumps' into guys I'm interested in, and sometimes she just goes up and starts talking to them! Just what a single girl needs!

So anyways we go across the street to another bar. We walk in and I instantly see that there is nothing interesting here. The place is practically dead and I am tired and disappointed that I wasn't successful at the previous bars. I decide to head home at this point...it just wasn't my night...

My Work - Chapter 1 (1-10)

I am a teacher and I am proud to be a teacher. I have wanted to be an educator since I was five years old. When I was in college I never thought that I would like to teach kindergarten so I did not look down those avenues at first. But as time went on I decided to get my degree in pre-K through sixth-grade. Little did I know I would be teaching kindergarten with one of my best friends for over six years now. I have grown to love the grade that I teach and value my time with those children and my coworker so so much. I strive to be a better person and teacher for my past, present and future students and for all my coworkers around me. Although we might not all get along, I do believe that we are all here for the same reason and even though we might not all have the same work effort and motivation, we care about our students and want only the best for them. For those teachers that don't have that effort - I feel they need to move on and let other young teachers with motivation and eagerness to come in and make a difference.

This leads me into my next discussion about my job. Most teachers work so hard and so long and put in time that we don't expect to be made up or paid for. I know that we complain about this constantly and people are annoyed with it but it means something to us (otherwise we wouldn't be talking about it!). Please let me take the time here to list and explain just exactly we do for our students, families and others around us.

1. We get together over the summer when we are not paid and discuss the future and what this next year holds for us. We plan events, field trips, curriculum and much more to make sure that we reach our students' needs. Yes we have the summers off, but we don't get paid for them and wouldn't you need time off for spending 9.5 months with children that aren't yours?

2. We purchase items all year round with our own money (not only during the school year but also in the summer) to help aid us in teaching our students literacy, social studies, math, science, and social situations.

3. On average we spend 7 to 8 and even 9 hours with our students. We make a huge difference on these children's lives and the weight on our shoulders is always there. The pressure to succeed and have our students succeed will never go away. Sometimes we even spend more time with our students than their parents do...

4. In lower income schools however, we are often dealing with families that do not want to communicate with schools. I call home to talk to them about their child and the phone is not connected anymore. I walk home with the students but I am not allowed in the house. I want to send a note home with the child and it is ripped up right away. The child brings homework home and wants to try to complete it and instead they get a "whooping." Will we ever break that barrier? How do we get families to care about being a part of their child's education?

5. The first 5 years that I was a teacher I spent hours after school not only working on new activities for my students but also working on learning the curriculum and learning how to better meet the needs of every single one of my children. Some learn better in small groups, some learn better in large groups, some learn better individually, how am I supposed to meet the needs of all the students? This is something that we are challenged with everyday. In your job how do you meet the needs of every single person that comes into your office? Do you make the same plan for every person? No, you meet that persons' needs and wants - exactly what we do, except for 16-20 different children every single year. In my 8 years of teaching, I have taught 144 students so far...that's a lot!

6. I am constantly going on the Internet and Pinterest to search for new activities for my students to do during math or literacy centers. I'm always trying to find the next best idea on how to teach beginning sounds, vowels, end sounds, blends, phonemic awareness, rhymes, sight words, counting, adding, subtracting, ordering, taking turns, etc...

7. Centers are activities that the children can do independently for a certain amount of time. When the bell rings they clean up their center and move onto the next center. In the picture attached, the pocket chart I have created is to help the children decipher what center is theirs using the picture cues. The black lines on the chart decipher which level they are at - left is high, middle is medium, and the right is low. Most to all of our students have no idea the pocket chart is leveled like this. During this time, we are teaching small group reading groups, which is also differentiated based on how they are doing and what level they are reading at. All of these pictures are created by me and my teaching partner. We are constantly trying to think of new ideas and new centers for our students to do to reach these needs: rhyming, first sound, last sound, rhyming, consonant-vowel-consonant, letter matching, sound matching, sentence writing, computer, listening, writing workshop, dictionary, creative writing, and so so so much more. We have been thinking about writing a book for some time now but centers just keep changing constantly to keep things interesting. Got any ideas for me?!

8. There are science and math nights at school and we are expected to come. This is not just a job that we can go to from 7:30 until 3:00. We are expected to stay later and are expected to come at night. Don't get me wrong this is not something that we don't want to do but we also need to have lives of our own.

9. Being in a low poverty school we often have students that do not eat much at home or do not get a chance to have a lot of sustenance at home. I am constantly buying snacks or getting snacks from friends to send home with them at nights and on weekends. Some even tell me that they hide their snacks under their bed so they are able to eat it and don't have to share with everyone. They have to be selfish in order to eat the food so they don't have growling stomachs all weekend. Do you come across a lot of people like that? Would you be willing to donate money or food to give children the food that they want and deserve at home? Of course you would.

10. I buy ink for my printer consistently throughout the year because I want to print things off in color and that's the only way. My ink cartridges cost $60 every time, and I have to refill it every couple of months...

There will be more to come (will try to explain 100!) but please understand that I am being completely honest and we do so much more than we tell. Not trying to bitch about my job because I love what I do, but I want people to understand exactly what we do for our future generations...

Update on Bachelor

I've been getting a lot of questions about what has happened since that crazy night so here is an update...

I have not heard from him again - thankfully - and have not seen his ugly gold SUV near or on my street (guess I should have listened to my sister when she said never trust a man with a gold car!). I have since quit match, but have also reported him to the Match.com people. Not sure what they do with that info but I gave them the link to my blog and basically asked them if they think someone like that should be on their site. Boom.

I have not seen him around town, but about a week ago a friend of mine was at the same fundraiser as he was. She said he was with a girl and I felt bad for her (even though she was a bit 'trashy'). No woman should ever go through what had to endure. About 2 hours later my friend texts me to tell me that his date ditched out and he was circling the place trying to find her. Haha YES! Totally what he deserves - to be shit on over and over again!

No new dates here though either...kind of in a draught...stay warm!

Goals

Having goals is a practice we all take part in throughout our entire lives. Goals to graduate school, get a job, find that special someone, lose weight and continue to grow our families. Goals are there to keep us motivated and on "the right track," whatever that may be...

I have of course taken part of creating and reaching most of my goals in life. They are ever changing and I still have some to overcome. I graduated from college, got a good job in a city I love, bought a home, graduated with a masters degree and have friends whom I trust with my life. We all have things we are proud of, but are there some goals you're still working towards? Something you have not obtained yet?

As you know from my previous entries, I have been working at my goal of finding the man meant for me. I have such wonderful people around me that fulfill my life, but I want a partner, I want to find my person. It's been a LONG and TOUGH road and although I have been beaten down and pushed around, I will get back up and try again and again.

We all have goals and although the end seems far far away and it doesn't look good, please have confidence in yourself and the power you have to do whatever you want with your life. I will just keep trucking on....

When you reach your goal(s) what will you do?

Crazy Bachelor (Chapter 3)

He held my hand all the way back to the car and opened the door for me. What a gentleman. As he started to drive back to my place - the west side - I started to tell him which way to go. He didn't like that suggestion and gave me a weird look so I decided to just let him drive the way that he wanted to drive me home. It appeared obvious that he was taking the longest way possible. Remember, I was playing sick, so he started to talk about how he felt bad that I didn't feel well and that he wanted to take care of me tonight. I looked over at him and told him that when I don't feel well I prefer to be alone. He said that was ridiculous because when a person doesn't feel well they should have the person they care about the most with them. He said that rubbing my temples and rubbing my back will make me feel better - weird. Again, I reiterated that I did not feel well and I preferred to be alone that night. Apparently he didn't like that answer...

He started yelling at me again about how "I am putting up walls and that we have a great connection and I should appreciate him more."
I was stunned at how he so suddenly started yelling (again) that I just calmly said, "I'm sorry Dave it's not that its just that I don't want you to see me this way."
"We'll that's ridiculous Lindsey, I should be there for you. I am coming up to take care of you tonight."
"No Dave you're not I'm sorry I just need to be alone." There's no way I was letting him near the door.

Well me saying that of course tipped him off again and he started raging on again about how I don't appreciate people, I am rude when someone wants to be a romantic at a restaurant. Great he brings that up again.
"I just wanted to feed myself sushi, it wasn't that I didn't appreciate what you were trying to do."
He goes "well you let me feed you at The Dane!"
"No Dave, I tried a bite of your apples."
He starts up again yelling at me as we finally get on the belt line at Fish Hatchery. All I wanted to do was tell him to drop me off at the Great Dane Fish Hatch so I could walk to my friends house but it scared me to involve her in this part of the night.

Then he says: "what would Jesus say!?" Um excuse me - seriously?!?!
"How does Jesus have any relevance to this conversation?!" I asked incredulously.
"He will judge you for your actions - he will!" Ha, ok well he will judge me well that I'm not freaking out more right now and am staying calm.

I should preface that this entire time we've been in the car he is driving very erratically. The first minute he goes super fast - way over the speed limit and the next minute he is going super slow and way under the speed limit. As we are going down the belt line, he is doing the same thing and when a couple people pass him or honk at him he's screaming at them and giving them the finger. I was so scared.

He starts yelling at me again and for a while I just drown him out and just don't even answer. He yells and then looks at me for an answer and when I don't respond, he starts back up again. While he is doing this and yelling at me for my 'wrong doing' I realize that what he is mad at me for is exactly what he has and is doing.

He says "I know that after tonight this is probably done between you and me, but you are the one who ruined it all - you should know that!" I just say "yes, we will just go our separate ways after tonight."

"You act like you're all perfect and that you are the greatest thing. This is ridiculous, Dave is a great catch, Dave does well for himself and treats a woman right. Tell me one thing that is wrong with Dave!"
Haha okay.
"First off, I never said I was perfect. And you talk in third person..."
"So!"
"And you name drop all the time."
"Yea I know half the city and you should be aware of that!"
I say "well they aren't attractive qualities."
He throws up his hands and says "why are you being so mean and saying these rude thing about me!"
"Because you just asked me to!" Seriously dude!
He goes "you probably think I'm an arrogant asshole now!"
"I never said you were an asshole." But I would say he's arrogant!

At this point he finally has made it to my street. I tell him to turn right but he goes to turn left. I correct him and he goes to get in the right lane to turn but there's a car there. They honk at him as we all slam on the brakes and he yells and gives them the finger. They look at me and I just give them a look that I hope says 'I'm sorry' and that 'this guy is crazy.' He yells at me for giving him the wrong direction.

As we are going along my neighborhood street he is seriously going 5 mph. I am still playing sick so I ask "why are you going to slow?"
He screams at me "because I want to get the most out of this conversation that I possibly can!"
"We'll I'm not feeling well and just want to lay down."
He speeds up to be going about 60 down our neighborhood street and runs a stop sign. There are a lot of cars parked on the street and with my luck as of now I could just see him hitting one. As we come around the turn, he starts slowing down like he was looking for my building. I point down and say "I'm just past the round about."
He screams again "I know where you live. Don't worry about that!"
Ok now that's scary.

He finally pulls up to the curb and as I worked at un-clipping my seatbelt which was stuck I told him that we would of course go our separate ways. He yells how I am so rude and that I'm going to regret this and that I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
As I'm finally getting out of his damn car, I say "thank you for putting words into my mouth."
As I am shutting the door he screams "it's your own fucking fault!!" He screeches out from the curb (if there was snow I would have gotten sprayed with it and that a whole other story).

As I finally get into my building I just start balling because at this point I had been screamed at and driven around by a crazy man for a half hour. I called my best friend and told her the whole thing. She was not happy with me for not letting her come and get me when she wanted to. I learned my lesson the hard way...

She suggests that I call a police friend to ask him what I should do as I am really scared at this point. I have no idea what Dave could do or is capable of.
As I'm talking to my friend and tell him a summary of this long story, I also say "oh and in the 5 minutes that we've been talking, Dave has called me twice."
My police officer friend says "ok so here's what you do. Hang up with me and the next time he calls answer it. You tell him straight out that you never want him to call you again. This way you've put that line out there and if he crosses it you can call the police again."
I didn't want to ever speak to Dave again but this made sense so the third time he calls I answer it and in a sickeningly soft tone Dave says: "hi, how are you doing? I really didn't like the way we left things." This is so creepy, like a switch had been turned again!
I say "Dave you really scared me. I have never been talked to or treated like that before and I was scared."
He goes "I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from." Um, no!
"Well we can agree to disagree and go our separate ways from here. I will be friendly to you in public but please don't ever call me again."
He chuckles and says "you can guarantee that I will never call YOU again!"
I hang up and get ready for bed shaking - incredulous that this has just happened to me.

The next day I did what my police officer suggested - took my name off my mailbox, shut all my blinds and made sure to park inside for a week. Thankfully I have never heard from him again and I don't even plan on acknowledging him if I see him in public because I will honestly always be scared of this man. I can't believe this has happened and I learned some lessons the hard way. I'm just thankful that I'm ok and have some good people in my life who know what's right for me and are there to support me even when I am not making smart decisions...

Crazy Bachelor (Chapter 2)

** Please make sure you read Chapter 1 first **


Date 3: Since we didn't go to sushi on Sunday, I thought it would be nice to go downtown for it on Wednesday. He picked me up again and we headed down. Please note at this point i pointed out my balcony/bedroom window as it is on the front of the building. We got to Sushi Red and the lady took our coats and brought us our drinks and we ordered our food. He suggested as an appetizer, we get a piece of the underside fat of the belly of a tuna (I think - don't know what it's called). It sounded gross to me but it cost a lot and he was excited so I tried it - it was ok but a little too fishy and fatty for me!

We got our food and it was so yummy! We started eating and I thought it a bit weird that he followed my every move - which ever roll I ate he did as well. Hmmm. About midway through dinner, he looked at me and asked me if he could feed me. Yes...feed me. Now at this time there were people all around us, and very close, as the seating is limited. I smiled but said "no thanks, I'd prefer to feed myself right now." I started to take another roll when he slammed his chopsticks down and startled me.
Raising his voice at me he said: "I can't believe you're doing this, why are you putting up walls? I thought we had a great connection...are you really going to do this? You really want to make Dave mad?!" Yep he brought out the third person again.
I was so stunned that at first I didn't know what to say. The people at the tables were kind of glancing at us but he didn't seem to notice.
As he continued to raise his voice at me, I just put down my head down and was quiet. Now if you know me well you know that this is not like me at all. I just didn't see any point in arguing with him. I also wished I had my phone at that point because I wanted to text my best friend because after tonight I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.
I softly said: "it's just that sushi is already so messy and we are around other people that I'd just prefer to feed myself, sorry."
He was not ok with this, yelled at me some more about my rudeness, and told me that I wouldn't eat until he fed me - I put my chopsticks down and said "we'll then I guess I'm done."
He picked his chopsticks back up and said "fine lets eat!" I started to eat again quietly but he looks at me and says "are you going to be mad at me all night?!" I told him that I get over things pretty quickly and it's all fine. He smiled and proceeded to grab my hand to hold it through the rest of dinner. It's like a switch had turned and he was back...

Finally I went to the bathroom and got my phone from my jacket on the way back. He was on his phone when I got back to the table so I decided it was okay for me to be on mine. I texted my best friend and told her that things were getting weird and I was a little scared. I told her we were headed to another bar.

I wanted to end it right then and there but he was starting to talk about how he wanted to make the connection deeper tonight at home. How he wanted to spend the night with me. Well, there's no way that I was going to let that to happen so I decided to try and prolong the date as long as I could. So after dinner we were going to go to the piano bar but that was closed for a personal party so we decided to go across the street to a small towny pub to play darts.

When we got to the bar I went into the bathroom right away to text my best friend. I told her that things were okay now and we were at the Silver Dollar. She text me back right away and told me to keep her posted. I went back out and we started playing darts - he had bought me a drink already. It was somewhat tense between the both of us because of what happened at the restaurant before, but we just continued to play and he acted as if nothing ever happened.

Well I just wasn't feeling it so I went back into the bathroom and text my friend again. She called me right away and told me that she was worried about me and wanted to come pick me up. I told her not to worry and I would try and figure out a way to get home sooner. She gave me the idea that I should fake having a stomach ache, as I always have stomach problems anyways and we had just had sushi. I thought this was a good idea so I put my hair up and went back out. I told him that I'd gotten sick in the bathroom and wasn't feeling so hot. He went and got me some water. I went back into the bathroom again and called my friend. Things were just getting weird between us and I wanted to go home. She told me that if I didn't get this done that she would come down there and pick me up and that her fiancée was getting worried to. I told her to give me 10 minutes and I would be on my way home. She told me to call her right away when I got home.

I went back out still with my hair up and Dave had his head in his hands at the table. I sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. He asked how I was feeling and I told him that I wasn't feeling well and I should probably be getting home. I told him I was sorry but maybe the sushi just wasn't sitting right with me. He slammed his phone on the table and said: "You know I just want you to know that girls have faked being sick with me before and have later regretted it!" I couldn't believe he said this because he was admitting that girls have faked this same thing with him and also because he thinks he's so great that girls regret being with him! I just quietly said "Well I am not faking it and I want to go home."

Little did I know that the car ride home would be the scariest part of the night.

Craft time!

My new craft I made with chevron burlap, a hot glue gun, and a foam circle. All the red stuff I made is removable so I can change it for each holiday!

Crazy Bachelor (Chapter 1)

As some might know, I am on match.com and have been for a little over 2 months now. I haven't had much luck (obviously since I don't have a bf), and I will not continue my membership after this 3 months is done. Anyways, this is the crazy story of how I feared for my life on date 3 with Mr. Cray Cray.

Date 1: I had given him my number a while back in an email so one night he sent me a text and told me that I should come to the bar to see what I'm missing. I thought it was a bit arrogant but he sounded intriguing. However I did not go to meet him out that night but decided to meet up with him a few nights later. He suggested a bar that I thought was a little weird for a first date - it's not the kind of place that is good for anyone to make the right first impression. I went into the date with no hopes and very negatively. Better to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed! Well I was very surprised at the fact that he was attractive, interesting and seemed to have all his attention directed at me - which was nice for a change. We really got along and chatted for 4 hours! I left the date looking forward to hanging out with him again.

Date 2 (about 4 days later): We decided to go bowling which I thought was a great idea - something fun to do and no pressure. He picked me up and we went to a place a ways from my house. Bowling was fun, but there were some small signs that I was beginning to see that made me unsure of it all. He talked in third person A LOT, he name dropped ALL the time, and he kept talking about how well he does for himself and how money is never a problem. I decided to ignore them for now because I am often times too quick to judge and that's not fair to others.

After bowling, we were going to go for sushi but I wasn't feeling the greatest so we decided to go downtown to the Great Dane for some food. We sat at a booth and he wanted to talk all about what a great connection we have and that he was only on Match for a week, found me and decided to deactivate his account (kinda creepy looking back at it). His parents called from Mexico midway through dinner so he took the call. After he got off the phone, he mentioned that he couldn't wait for me to meet them someday - dude we're only on date 2! I said "let's just take it day by day." That seemed to bother him a bit as be frowned at me and mentioned again our great connection. Whatever. After that he took me home and we kissed goodbye.

Now in between dates 2 and 3 I had talked about my previous reservations with some friends. They agreed that I was okay to give it another shot even though some of those things bothered me. Don't want to judge too quickly!

4-inch puppies

I lasted all day in these 4-inch puppies, and I teach kindergarten! Oh yeah!