I was planning on calling him after work on Friday. On my way out of school he actually ends up calling me. It kinda throws me off and when I hear his voice and we start chatting I almost chicken out.
Then we start talking about what we are doing this weekend. He has his kid this weekend and was telling me about what they were going to do. He asked me what I was planning to do with my whole weekend off. I was surprised by this because he knows I am free all weekend, yet he doesn't invite me to join him and his son at all. I've met his son, so why am I not invited to anything?
Then he goes on to talk about how he is so busy the next month or two with work. He is going to have to travel to Iowa, New York, etc and has some upcoming weekends with the guys. I am also agreeing because my weekends are either partially free or most likely filled with Badger tailgating. At this point I realize it is my opening. Here goes...
"We'll I've actually been wanting to tell you something. I don't think this is really working for me anymore.'
I go on to explain that it's the distance and that even though I didn't have a plan for our relationship, this is now how I envisioned it going. I decide not go go into all the other details because at this point I am just done with it all and don't need to talk about all that other shit that will end up making me feel even worse. Instead I decide to say:
"I don't feel like we are where we were 2 months ago." I also said: "I feel like there's more distance between us - you're not calling me as much and I'm not calling you as much. You feel that too right?"
He somewhat agreed but did seem slightly surprised at it all.
We continued to agree on it all and at the end of the convo he asks if it's ok that when he's in town for work if we could go out for a drink. That's fine with me. He then proceeds to tell me: "and when you're in Milwaukee and you need some casual sex, give me a call." Seriously?! Come on dude I'm not like that and if you know me at all you would know that. At my weird reaction he says: "ha I'm just kidding...but not really. That door will always be open."
Thanks but no thanks. Haven't contacted him since and haven't heard from him - the way I prefer it and the only way I will move past this quicker.
I am not the type of person to dwell over something or try to make it something that it's not. Maybe that is a gift of mine but maybe it is also a flaw. I am so easily able to cut it off and end it and not make any further contact. Of course I am hurting inside and am feeling off my game, but is contacting him or feeling sorry for myself going to help? NO WAY. I'm on my way up from all this and can't wait to find someone that makes me feel like I'm beautiful everyday, like I am the only person that will make him happy...
Someday I will look back and laugh at these blogs right?!
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