Tinder date #4

Well that's the end of AFM (Air Force man). We took a weekend camping and it was amazing. I met his sister and brother and all his friends. As the weekend progressed he mentioned when I would be meeting his mother and father and talked about our future. I had high hopes while keeping my wall up because that's just what I do in relationships. 

Throughout the week after camping we continued to talk on the phone and tried to figure out a night we could get together. Even though it was my first week back at work teaching, I would have taken some extra caffeine and made it work! No days/times worked and although it was disappointing, it was kind of like this for the last 3-4 months. Our schedules just didn't align and whenever I was busy he was free and when he was free I was busy. It was tough but I wanted to make it work. 

Friday night rolls around and he calls me. We are chatting for a bit and then he goes in to tell me:

"I don't think I can go any further. I'm sorry but I don't think I can commit right now." I was a little stunned so I let him keep talking. 

"When I am with you it's great and you are so cool, but when I am not with you I am not wanting to make you a priority and that's not fair."

I know that sounds kind of mean but I do want to be a priority in someone's life and it's better I know now than later. The part that hurt the most was that he continued to talk about things we would do in the future until the very end. We waited to do specific things together until our camping weekend and then it just ends - kind of an icky feeling. 

After he talked for a bit explaining himself, it was kind of silent. He asked me what I was thinking. All I could say was "what's the point?" He sighed and said "I want to know what your thinking, please." I was on the verge of tears and did not want to cry on the phone with him so I said "I can't say I'm not disappointed and I'm definitely surprised." I don't remember what he said after that as I was trying to control my tears and emotions. Next I said "I just want to...be done...with this..." He reluctantly said ok and I wished him luck with his future endeavors and hung up before he could hear or say anything else. I feel bad that I just hung up without talking much but I felt like shit and it's another relationship ending again for me after only 3-4 months. I hate having a pity party for myself and refuse to be sad too long but I feel like he was a good one and what we had was special. 

Sometimes in relationships I look back and try to think about what I could have done differently. As I look back on this one, I'm realizing that I did everything right and wouldn't change a thing. I was laid back, understanding, supportive, friendly/outgoing, independent, fun and 'easy to be with'. I wouldn't change a thing about what I did but am still disappointed that he didn't want to make it work - it could have been really great. 

Back to the single life....blah...

2. Little sis

To my younger sister.... 

You are an incredible woman and I will forever be in awe of you. Not only do you have an amazing career in graphic design downtown Milwaukee but you also freelance on the side, work some jobs for our father (advertising world) workout at the gym, eat healthy, own a home and now planning a wedding! You have accomplished so much in your 28 (almost 29!) years and I am so proud to have you as a sister. 

Although we have not always agreed on things growing up and as adults, I always listen to you (though it may not seem like it at the time), think about what you have had to say and take your advice sometimes. I only hope that I can be the older sister that I am supposed to be the rest of our lives. No matter what, I will always be here for you and you can always count on me, just like I feel I can count on you. I will never judge and I will never squander your dreams. We have precious secrets and things we know about each other that we would tell no one else - that's special and continues our bond as sisters.

I love you so much and am so grateful for you. I am lucky to have an amazing woman like you in my life. I cannot wait to get this wedding planning started! I will be there every step of the way!