Sometimes...

Homeless

This week I got a new student in my class. I didn't know he would be joining us until that morning. We were in the midst of getting student pictures taken. I am a picky teacher and I like to check all my students' pictures to make sure they look good and have a good smile. While I am amidst all this my new boy arrives and they are trying to get him to smile. He's scared, sad and does not know anyone. I kneel next to him and try to confort him but I am new to him as well. He's just got an odd smile so we do what we can. When we are done I call over a parent to help me so I can go introduce myself to his mom and chat for a bit. 

As she and I are talking this is what she informs me:

"We've been in Wisconsin for 3 days from Indiana. Dad was trying to kill me so we needed to leave. We try to get a space in a shelter to sleep at night and if we can't, we sleep in the van." 

I'm almost stunned with how honest she is right from the beginning but it gives me a good idea of where they are at and what my child needs - some extra love. I put my hand on her shoulder and tell her that she was brave for leaving that and she did what was best. I also tell her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. She seems y with that and I can tell she just wants what is best for her child. She is doing what she can right now.

At this point my new boy comes over and starts crying holding on to mom. I kneel down at his level, rub his back and just chat with him. He takes my hand and as mom walks away he holds on a bit tighter. Throughout the day he pretty much did not let go of my hand all day, always reaching for it and always finding it there for him. 

It was a busy day because I not only had him at my side learning all of our routines but I also had my other 14 students there continuing to learn our routines and move along with their day needing varied levels of my support at times.  

This boy needs my support and love and I will provide that for him and his family in whichever I can. 

4. Bestie 2

The next friend that I am so thankful for has been in my life for about 8 years. She and I have been through a lot these last 8 years: tailgating, haunted houses and barns, hiking, carving nights, movie nights, cry fests and laugh fests, fights and arguments, weddings, parties, people searches, boys, and so many more memories. This woman is someone I will have as a part of me for the rest of my life and I am so thankful for her. 

My dearest friend, throughout these last 8 years, you have continued to support, talk with, and challenge me. You have made my life better in so many ways and I am not who I am today without you. We have been through some tough times together, but I think that is what makes us even stronger. We can be through fun and easy times, but also the hard and challenging ones and for all those times I am so appreciative. 

I am so happy to be a part of your life and your changes as well. I only hope that I can do the same for you as you do for me. I hope you know that I always support you (even though at times I'm hesitant at first). I will always be someone you can rely on, vent to or to give you support and new ideas of how to get through a problem. I will always be someone that will try to make you laugh. I will be there to help you continue on your journey of life in the many new roads you may travel. 

Although we may not see everyday, I hope you know that you ar always in my thoughts and I am always wishing the best for you. We were meant to meet 8 years ago in the hallway and I am so thankful for you each day. 

I love you so much and always will! 

3. Bestie 1

To my bestie...let's call her Mandy. You have known me the longest, closest and best throughout these last 12 years. You know all my deepest and darkest secrets, accept me for who I am and support me no matter what. I only hope that I can do the same for you. 

You have such a good character vibe and know when to tell me when it is. You are a true friend and someone I feel that I can go to with good news or bad news and no matter what you will be there, whichever way I need you. I met your now husband ten and a half years ago and he has also become one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and I love that I can always have a good guys' perspective. 

When you two had your first child a year and a half ago, it changed everything - in a good way. I didn't know I wanted to have kids of my own before, and now very week when we do family dinner night (family-friend tradition!) I can't wait. I hate to cancel and love everything about it. Yep I mean it, I love changing her diapers, listening to her tantrums and most of all cuddling and putting her to bed. It has made me want this again and to be a part of your lives and her life in a completely different way has meant more to me than I ever imagined. I feel that our friendship is stronger because of it. 

Aside from the child, Mandy you are an amazing woman. You are confident, strong (don't ever doubt yourself on that), giving, kind, understanding, honest, loving and such a great friend. You are like a sister to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I strive to be like you - you are cool, calm and collected. You don't take things to seriously and remind me of that. You are funny and help me find the funny thigs in life. You challenge me in my beliefs and ask me questions to stir up thinking and why we support what we do. You help me see the better things in life when I cannot see them. 

I cannot wait for baby number 2 to get here in February! I will be here for you no matter how you need me - babysit, meals, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, or just someone to be there. I love you lots and always will. Thank you for being you and being in my life. 

Tinder date #4

Well that's the end of AFM (Air Force man). We took a weekend camping and it was amazing. I met his sister and brother and all his friends. As the weekend progressed he mentioned when I would be meeting his mother and father and talked about our future. I had high hopes while keeping my wall up because that's just what I do in relationships. 

Throughout the week after camping we continued to talk on the phone and tried to figure out a night we could get together. Even though it was my first week back at work teaching, I would have taken some extra caffeine and made it work! No days/times worked and although it was disappointing, it was kind of like this for the last 3-4 months. Our schedules just didn't align and whenever I was busy he was free and when he was free I was busy. It was tough but I wanted to make it work. 

Friday night rolls around and he calls me. We are chatting for a bit and then he goes in to tell me:

"I don't think I can go any further. I'm sorry but I don't think I can commit right now." I was a little stunned so I let him keep talking. 

"When I am with you it's great and you are so cool, but when I am not with you I am not wanting to make you a priority and that's not fair."

I know that sounds kind of mean but I do want to be a priority in someone's life and it's better I know now than later. The part that hurt the most was that he continued to talk about things we would do in the future until the very end. We waited to do specific things together until our camping weekend and then it just ends - kind of an icky feeling. 

After he talked for a bit explaining himself, it was kind of silent. He asked me what I was thinking. All I could say was "what's the point?" He sighed and said "I want to know what your thinking, please." I was on the verge of tears and did not want to cry on the phone with him so I said "I can't say I'm not disappointed and I'm definitely surprised." I don't remember what he said after that as I was trying to control my tears and emotions. Next I said "I just want to...be done...with this..." He reluctantly said ok and I wished him luck with his future endeavors and hung up before he could hear or say anything else. I feel bad that I just hung up without talking much but I felt like shit and it's another relationship ending again for me after only 3-4 months. I hate having a pity party for myself and refuse to be sad too long but I feel like he was a good one and what we had was special. 

Sometimes in relationships I look back and try to think about what I could have done differently. As I look back on this one, I'm realizing that I did everything right and wouldn't change a thing. I was laid back, understanding, supportive, friendly/outgoing, independent, fun and 'easy to be with'. I wouldn't change a thing about what I did but am still disappointed that he didn't want to make it work - it could have been really great. 

Back to the single life....blah...

2. Little sis

To my younger sister.... 

You are an incredible woman and I will forever be in awe of you. Not only do you have an amazing career in graphic design downtown Milwaukee but you also freelance on the side, work some jobs for our father (advertising world) workout at the gym, eat healthy, own a home and now planning a wedding! You have accomplished so much in your 28 (almost 29!) years and I am so proud to have you as a sister. 

Although we have not always agreed on things growing up and as adults, I always listen to you (though it may not seem like it at the time), think about what you have had to say and take your advice sometimes. I only hope that I can be the older sister that I am supposed to be the rest of our lives. No matter what, I will always be here for you and you can always count on me, just like I feel I can count on you. I will never judge and I will never squander your dreams. We have precious secrets and things we know about each other that we would tell no one else - that's special and continues our bond as sisters.

I love you so much and am so grateful for you. I am lucky to have an amazing woman like you in my life. I cannot wait to get this wedding planning started! I will be there every step of the way! 

1. Mom & Dad

Mom and Dad...

I don't think there are enough words or time for me to explain it all but I will try my best...

Dad, you have been a constant steady man in my life and someone I can always count on. You listen and give me advice but never pressure me too much. You tell me how it is when you feel strongly about something, and I know you love me for my strengths and weaknesses. When I have made mistakes you accept them and work with me to work through them. You love me unconditionally and there is no other man who will ever live up to that. Thanks for setting the bar so high.

Mom, because of you I have found, loved and succeeded in my career. You raised me with strong morals and beliefs. You taught me to be accepting, decisive, strong and independent. I call you almost everyday to talk 'work' and there is no one else who could take that place. You have been such a strong supporter in my life and career and I will never have anyone as special as you that can always hear what I'm saying, give me advice and just be a good ear for me to lean on.

I know that parents are supposed to be there to support their children but I feel that you go two above and beyond for my sister and I. Thank you for everything you do every day of every year - I appreciate you and love you both so much. 

Thankful

Today some people at work reminded me that I have MANY things and people to be thankful for in my life. I don't think I tell them enough that I am thankful for them and wouldn't be who and where I am today without them. So to the 7 influential and supporting people in my life, here goes....

Life is short

I continue to need to remind myself that life is short and we all need to just enjoy the moments we are in. I know it can be hard but we have to put the electronics down and actually be with the people who are in front of us. This picture makes me smile every time I look at it :) 

Tinder Dates 3 & 4

Ok so here are Tinder dates 3 and 4. Neither of them are nearly as bad as 1 and 2 however :)




#3
This guy and I had been talking for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet. We chatted for a bit and we decided to meet for a walk. When I think back to it, where we went for the walk was not the smartest choice on my part, especially with the men I have met in the past. Anyways, we decided to meet at the Super Target in Fitchburg and then go from there. I liked meeting him somewhere rather than be picked up of course. I get there early (all my friends know that I am either early or on time), and he finally comes about 10 minutes late. We get out of our cars and hug each other hello, he is a good few inches shorter than me. Now, I am 5'5" and to be shorter than me, is pretty darn short for a guy! I am not a girl that judges by height per say, but I do like them taller than me! :)


We get into my car and drive down the street to a city trail. We start walking and it heads into the woods...this is when I was thinking that we should have walked in a neighborhood rather than a trail but he was a nice guy.


As we continue to walk we tell each other about ourselves, but he talks A LOT. I only get to add stuff about myself when he is chatting about something. He doesn't really ever ASK me questions. He even tells me at one point that he knows that he talks a lot and for me to tell him to shut up if he does (like I'm going to do that on a first date). He eventually tells me that he thinks he has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder), because he can't ever sit still, and doesn't like to just relax. At this time, I'm thinking: well then this isn't going to work because I love my movies, and I need to just sit and relax in order to stay sane! But I'm the nice lady I am and smile and continue to listen. I can tell that he probably is ADHD as he can't stop moving his hands, and I have to walk quite quickly to keep up with him (and I thought I was a fast walker!).


As we continue to walk on, we somehow get on the conversation of being married and not caring how you look. I have no idea how we got there, but he kept on telling me these stories of his friends that get married, the woman stops caring about her body and gets fat. I understand that if someone is working hard to stay in shape, then they would hope their partner would do the same, but I know that this is not always the case, and I am not ANYONE to judge a marriage and what a man or woman need to do to reciprocate. I was surprised he sprung this, and didn't really know what to say. Then again, I didn't need to say anything because he just continued on (almost as if I wasn't there) about women and how we don't appreciate being in shape as much and that most get fat after their married, so it will be hard to find someone who won't. At this point, I interrupted him and suggested we turn around. He was surprised, and asked if I was tired or something, and if I hadn't worked out that week. That wasn't it at all buddy but thanks....douche....


We got to my car and as we were driving back, he suggested we get a drink at The Flying Hound nearby. We had been on our date for about 45/50 minutes at this point. I said thank you but I had to go help a friend finish moving in to their new apartment (I had already prefaced this before we went out in case I needed a backup - ALWAYS have a backup). I think at this point he was a little taken back and said something to the effect that this was one of the shortest dates he'd been on. I just ignored it.


I dropped him off, hugged him goodbye and thanked him for the good walk. He said he would be texting me (through Tinder as I don't give out my number beforehand). I got home and blocked him on Tinder right away.




#4
This guy (lets call him Ted) and I had been chatting for a good month or so before we decided and had time to meet. I got a really good vibe from him and although he looked a bit dorky, I thought- why noy!?


We ended up meeting at the Great Dane Fitchburg for a drink - I don't like to do dinner on first dates usually. I decided to wear one of my favorite red dresses and clog heels. I don't like to put a lot of head/mind effort into these Tinder dates because usually they don't turn out well, but I ALWAYS like to look good!


I walked up to the bar, and instantly realized that he was WAY more attractive than his photos! He turned, we hugged hello and started chatting, although I became progressively more nervous as I realized he was not only very attractive but that we was a good guy as well. We continued to chat about ourselves, both asking questions, through one more drink. We then got a third drink to share because we wanted to try it together.


The date ended REALLY well, and I definitely wanted to see him again. I have seen him again, and cannot really tell you more from here as I don't like to write about the guys I'm currently dating on my blog. You will just have to wait and see!

Tinder Date #2

Tinder Date #2 - Dirty Stinky boy

The second Tinder date I had was during the March Madness playoffs. The Badgers had been doing well, and this game we met for was either the sweet 16 or elite 8 game. We met at the Vintage Brewing company on Whitney Way. This guy and I had been talking for about 2 weeks and he seemed really cool. I took a lot of time thinking and planning my outfit for this one to. I wanted to dress cute but sporty and it was still a bit chilly out. I did a good job with a badger t-shirt, black cardigan, red scarf and grey boots over skinny jeans.

I got to the bar and he was already there sitting on the other side at a small table. I walked in and gave him a hug and said hello while I put my stuff on the chair to sit down. As I was just beginning to sit down, he said to me "you have to go to the bar to get your drink." Ok then. I got up and walked to the bar,. I waited at least 10 minutes to order before he came over to me, and said that he was sorry I was waiting so long but if I wanted one soon I had to get one at the bar. Whatever, not a good start. I paid for my drink (which I am totally fine paying for my drink but it would be nice if he offered or paid for one - a girl always hopes). He also told me that he lives with friends, doesn't have a college degree and works for an electrical company - a job he hates. I asked if there was something he would rather be doing to make him happier, and he just shrugged and told me that he wasn't really sure and would figure it out eventually but would just put up with it. For me, that's a big red flag because I like a guy with ambition and motivation to always work to be a better person. If you are not happy doing something, then make an effort to change it, don't just complain and do nothing!

On another note, his clothes were a bit odd. I took great care, and hope for somewhat the same. He had on dirty tennis shoes (yes I could actually see dirt), jeans (not very well fitted or nice), a t-shirt and a black pull-over zip up. He also had a dirty baseball hat on backwards. I thought it a bit strange for a person to wear a hat on the first date, but oh well. As we started chatting, he actually brought up his outfit choice. He told me that what he was wearing, was what he wore the last basketball game we won, and he knew he had to wear them again. The last game was a week ago, I kinda laughed a bit and said "well at least they're washed and clean!" He shrugged his shoulders and said "nah that would lose the good luck, plus I didn't sweat too much when I was wearing them." I don't always wash ALL my clothes after the first time I wear them, but I would NEVER admit it on a first date!

After a bit, a spot opened at the bar and we were able to sit there to watch the game better. It was ok discussions, but at some point we were disagreeing about the coach Bo Ryan. At one point he says to me "no, you're wrong, that's way off, how could you think that or say that!?" I was a bit taken back by how adamantly and rudely he said it, that I just sat back and didn't say anything until I found a point to change the subject.

We order another drink - game is not done, but it was close at this point, we were just about coming back. Again, I end up paying for my own drink. I see some friends sitting on the other side of the bar and go over to say hello. We laugh about how badly it is going for me and that I should just come over there. Oh trust me I have even thought about pulling the super mean move and leaving when he is in the bathroom! I go back and we continue to watch the game - a little more quietly now. We order third drinks, and I pull out money to pay for mine, and he is looking through his wallet and swears to himself. He looks at me and asks if I could cover him as he did not realize that he didn't bring as much money as he thought. I reluctantly tell him ok and see that after I pay he doesn't seem that apologetic or unhappy about what just happened. I'm kind of disgusted and decide right then and there that I'm done with this guy and am wasting my time now. I don't think I was super friendly after that.

After I get home I get a message from him telling me that he had a good time, but he was off tonight and that he hoped it was ok we go our separate ways. I wrote back "I'm good with that." He sent a smiley and then I blocked him on Tinder (just like the last guy).

Ok lesson from this one: Dress nicely, (preferably not a hat) and if you are wearing clothes that you haven't washed, don't admit it! Also, pay for your own drinks and if you're a guy, offer to pay at least one for the lady.

It's going down, I'm yelling Tinder!

Some of you might not know what Tinder is, so let me explain...

Tinder is a new online dating app. As a person on Tinder, you put up a couple pictures, a short blurb about yourself, and then set your age and search radius settings. For example on my Tinder I have a setting of ages 28-36 and within 40 miles of me. Then it brings up pictures of guys within that setting.  When you are looking at a guy, you can either swipe left for NOPE, or swipe right for YES. If you swipe left, then nothing happens. If you swipe right and the other person swipes right then it is a match and you can start chatting with each other. A lot of times, nothing happens and neither person starts chatting so it can be a lost cause. It's a running joke now among people that they hope people swipe right rather than left. Tinder is also known as a "hook up" app, so for ladies like me, I need to be very careful and weed through a lot of them to get at least one good one! Also, when I tell you about these "Tinder dates" I would like to state that even though I am calling them dates, I never really considered them actual "real" dates because for one, it's Tinder - you can't take it too seriously, and second, the first time meeting them in person is like the actual first time meeting them and you never know what you are really going to get. Either way, I have had a number of Tinder dates that I would like to tell you - they are good stories!

Tinder Date #1 - Fake pictures
It was early on when I started Tinder that I went on my first Tinder date. I was chatting with this guy - let's call him Pete. He seemed really nice, down to earth and was pretty attractive. We decided - kind of last minute - to meet at the Great Dane Hilldale. I got there first and sat at the bar to wait. I was semi-nervous, but didn't let it get to me because you can't put all your eggs in one basket, and this was certainly NOT a basket! Anyways, I was sitting there waiting, and finally about 10 minutes later, a guy walks up to me, taps me on the shoulder and says my name. I turn around and...

Instantly I wanted to leave, or pretend I was not me (but then I remembered he had pictures of me and I could not fake it). He looked NOTHING like his pictures. I am not an only-looks type person, but it does take looks to make that initial attraction, and I don't like the fact that he thought it was ok to put up pictures of himself that were probably from 10-15 years ago! He had gray hair and was majorly balding (not in his pics!), had a massive beer belly (not in his pics), was semi-hunched over, and had terrible shoes (all white sneakers). I wasn't having it.

Either way, I am a nice person, and had a drink with him. When were were done with the drink, he asked if I wanted another and I nicely said no that I needed to get home. He paid for the drinks (I paid tip), and we went our separate ways. I never give my phone number to a guy online without meeting them first, so I got a message from him on Tinder telling me that he had a nice time and hoped we could meet again. I went the easy route on that one, and blocked him on Tinder (handy little setting)!

For those people that have pictures up from 5, 10 or even 15 years ago, please note that we want to see what you look like now, not what you wished you still looked like! Stop trying to fake it and be who you are. :)

George Washington

A student and I having a conversation about George Washington...

Me: He was the first president of the United States

O: Oh wow is he really old? 

Me: well he was but he's dead now.

O: Oh. Was he big and old when he died? 

Me: I think so. We all get old and die eventually. 

O: Not me, I'm not big or old. 

Me: No you're not and I'm not either but we will be someday.

O: Yea maybe...so did George Washington die 100 years ago or 40 minutes ago? 

Me: (laughing)...he did a LONG time ago...

O: Oh ok, so like 100? 

Me: Yea sure 

Lawyer Down

Well Mr. Lawyer and I had a good run for a bit. We dated for about 4 months and even though it was pretty good most of the time, I look back on it now and can see the little things that were wrong. 

He only met two of my friends once. My friends and family come first so this was a little sign that something was off. And it's not like I wouldn't invite him to things, he just had other stuff going on all the time or liked being by himself. I'm all for hanging by myself and like my me-time but there is a point when you want to be in that person's life and do things with them - I didn't really see that with him.

Another thing wrong with our relationship is that he never talked about us or how he felt about me or what he thought about how I looked. I never got a "you look nice" or a "you're beautiful." I also didn't get any recognition on Valentine's Day - I had to remind him to set up a dinner and because it was so late we had to go the night before! I'm not a needy woman and do not need to hear nice things ALL the time, but girls like to hear that every once in a while! If you're a man and reading this - remember to do these things! 

The last 2 weeks we were dating sucked big time. He started texting a lot less, cancelling plans every once in a while and seemed to want to spend more time by himself. Now, I am a very experienced dater so I knew these signs immediately. I knew what was happening - our relationship was ending. But what bothered me the most was that he would ignore me for a day, and then the next day he would text me all day (him initiating) and act like nothing was wrong! Seriously, just give it to me straight  dude. 

Finally after cancelling plans twice, we had plans for Sunday. He suggested a movie..um really? We need to talk first. So I suggested lunch first and then the movie. On the way to lunch in the car he said to me that he wanted to talk about our relationship..yea exactly dude, that's why I suggested lunch first but ok, let's let you think it's your idea. 

So we get in, order our food and the server leaves. I dove right in and asked what was going on, and what was up with the "radio silence." He told me that he was sorry but he just didn't think he wanted to settle down right now and didn't want anything serious. He said that it seemed that's what I am looking for. I agreed that it was and is. I also told him that I was expecting to hear something like this because of his "weird-ness" and that it was a rough week. He left me in limbo for a week and a half and that wasn't fun. He apologized again. He then said "I really do like hanging out with you and doing things, so if you want to be casual..." I laughed and said "I'm a girl, I can't to casual." 

Ok really?! You're not looking for anything serious or to settle down? You're 37, soon to be 38 and you don't want to be in a serious relationship? I call bull shit on that one! He could have just told me he wasn't interested anymore, because that was probably the truth. I just held that in and let him do it his way. And that was it. Then we went to the movie. I know it sounds weird but it was fine after that and I really wanted to see the movie! When he dropped me off, I told him good luck and sorry it didn't work out. 

Weird thing is he continued to text me the next week randomly each day. I finally didn't return one of his texts and he stopped. 

I like to try and take one thing from each relationship that I've learned for the future. I think from this one, is that I need to trust my gut instincts and when there are weird signs and things I'm missing in a relationship that I'd like to have then it's just not right.