Homeless

This week I got a new student in my class. I didn't know he would be joining us until that morning. We were in the midst of getting student pictures taken. I am a picky teacher and I like to check all my students' pictures to make sure they look good and have a good smile. While I am amidst all this my new boy arrives and they are trying to get him to smile. He's scared, sad and does not know anyone. I kneel next to him and try to confort him but I am new to him as well. He's just got an odd smile so we do what we can. When we are done I call over a parent to help me so I can go introduce myself to his mom and chat for a bit. 

As she and I are talking this is what she informs me:

"We've been in Wisconsin for 3 days from Indiana. Dad was trying to kill me so we needed to leave. We try to get a space in a shelter to sleep at night and if we can't, we sleep in the van." 

I'm almost stunned with how honest she is right from the beginning but it gives me a good idea of where they are at and what my child needs - some extra love. I put my hand on her shoulder and tell her that she was brave for leaving that and she did what was best. I also tell her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. She seems y with that and I can tell she just wants what is best for her child. She is doing what she can right now.

At this point my new boy comes over and starts crying holding on to mom. I kneel down at his level, rub his back and just chat with him. He takes my hand and as mom walks away he holds on a bit tighter. Throughout the day he pretty much did not let go of my hand all day, always reaching for it and always finding it there for him. 

It was a busy day because I not only had him at my side learning all of our routines but I also had my other 14 students there continuing to learn our routines and move along with their day needing varied levels of my support at times.  

This boy needs my support and love and I will provide that for him and his family in whichever I can. 

4. Bestie 2

The next friend that I am so thankful for has been in my life for about 8 years. She and I have been through a lot these last 8 years: tailgating, haunted houses and barns, hiking, carving nights, movie nights, cry fests and laugh fests, fights and arguments, weddings, parties, people searches, boys, and so many more memories. This woman is someone I will have as a part of me for the rest of my life and I am so thankful for her. 

My dearest friend, throughout these last 8 years, you have continued to support, talk with, and challenge me. You have made my life better in so many ways and I am not who I am today without you. We have been through some tough times together, but I think that is what makes us even stronger. We can be through fun and easy times, but also the hard and challenging ones and for all those times I am so appreciative. 

I am so happy to be a part of your life and your changes as well. I only hope that I can do the same for you as you do for me. I hope you know that I always support you (even though at times I'm hesitant at first). I will always be someone you can rely on, vent to or to give you support and new ideas of how to get through a problem. I will always be someone that will try to make you laugh. I will be there to help you continue on your journey of life in the many new roads you may travel. 

Although we may not see everyday, I hope you know that you ar always in my thoughts and I am always wishing the best for you. We were meant to meet 8 years ago in the hallway and I am so thankful for you each day. 

I love you so much and always will! 

3. Bestie 1

To my bestie...let's call her Mandy. You have known me the longest, closest and best throughout these last 12 years. You know all my deepest and darkest secrets, accept me for who I am and support me no matter what. I only hope that I can do the same for you. 

You have such a good character vibe and know when to tell me when it is. You are a true friend and someone I feel that I can go to with good news or bad news and no matter what you will be there, whichever way I need you. I met your now husband ten and a half years ago and he has also become one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and I love that I can always have a good guys' perspective. 

When you two had your first child a year and a half ago, it changed everything - in a good way. I didn't know I wanted to have kids of my own before, and now very week when we do family dinner night (family-friend tradition!) I can't wait. I hate to cancel and love everything about it. Yep I mean it, I love changing her diapers, listening to her tantrums and most of all cuddling and putting her to bed. It has made me want this again and to be a part of your lives and her life in a completely different way has meant more to me than I ever imagined. I feel that our friendship is stronger because of it. 

Aside from the child, Mandy you are an amazing woman. You are confident, strong (don't ever doubt yourself on that), giving, kind, understanding, honest, loving and such a great friend. You are like a sister to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I strive to be like you - you are cool, calm and collected. You don't take things to seriously and remind me of that. You are funny and help me find the funny thigs in life. You challenge me in my beliefs and ask me questions to stir up thinking and why we support what we do. You help me see the better things in life when I cannot see them. 

I cannot wait for baby number 2 to get here in February! I will be here for you no matter how you need me - babysit, meals, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, or just someone to be there. I love you lots and always will. Thank you for being you and being in my life. 

Tinder date #4

Well that's the end of AFM (Air Force man). We took a weekend camping and it was amazing. I met his sister and brother and all his friends. As the weekend progressed he mentioned when I would be meeting his mother and father and talked about our future. I had high hopes while keeping my wall up because that's just what I do in relationships. 

Throughout the week after camping we continued to talk on the phone and tried to figure out a night we could get together. Even though it was my first week back at work teaching, I would have taken some extra caffeine and made it work! No days/times worked and although it was disappointing, it was kind of like this for the last 3-4 months. Our schedules just didn't align and whenever I was busy he was free and when he was free I was busy. It was tough but I wanted to make it work. 

Friday night rolls around and he calls me. We are chatting for a bit and then he goes in to tell me:

"I don't think I can go any further. I'm sorry but I don't think I can commit right now." I was a little stunned so I let him keep talking. 

"When I am with you it's great and you are so cool, but when I am not with you I am not wanting to make you a priority and that's not fair."

I know that sounds kind of mean but I do want to be a priority in someone's life and it's better I know now than later. The part that hurt the most was that he continued to talk about things we would do in the future until the very end. We waited to do specific things together until our camping weekend and then it just ends - kind of an icky feeling. 

After he talked for a bit explaining himself, it was kind of silent. He asked me what I was thinking. All I could say was "what's the point?" He sighed and said "I want to know what your thinking, please." I was on the verge of tears and did not want to cry on the phone with him so I said "I can't say I'm not disappointed and I'm definitely surprised." I don't remember what he said after that as I was trying to control my tears and emotions. Next I said "I just want to...be done...with this..." He reluctantly said ok and I wished him luck with his future endeavors and hung up before he could hear or say anything else. I feel bad that I just hung up without talking much but I felt like shit and it's another relationship ending again for me after only 3-4 months. I hate having a pity party for myself and refuse to be sad too long but I feel like he was a good one and what we had was special. 

Sometimes in relationships I look back and try to think about what I could have done differently. As I look back on this one, I'm realizing that I did everything right and wouldn't change a thing. I was laid back, understanding, supportive, friendly/outgoing, independent, fun and 'easy to be with'. I wouldn't change a thing about what I did but am still disappointed that he didn't want to make it work - it could have been really great. 

Back to the single life....blah...

2. Little sis

To my younger sister.... 

You are an incredible woman and I will forever be in awe of you. Not only do you have an amazing career in graphic design downtown Milwaukee but you also freelance on the side, work some jobs for our father (advertising world) workout at the gym, eat healthy, own a home and now planning a wedding! You have accomplished so much in your 28 (almost 29!) years and I am so proud to have you as a sister. 

Although we have not always agreed on things growing up and as adults, I always listen to you (though it may not seem like it at the time), think about what you have had to say and take your advice sometimes. I only hope that I can be the older sister that I am supposed to be the rest of our lives. No matter what, I will always be here for you and you can always count on me, just like I feel I can count on you. I will never judge and I will never squander your dreams. We have precious secrets and things we know about each other that we would tell no one else - that's special and continues our bond as sisters.

I love you so much and am so grateful for you. I am lucky to have an amazing woman like you in my life. I cannot wait to get this wedding planning started! I will be there every step of the way! 

1. Mom & Dad

Mom and Dad...

I don't think there are enough words or time for me to explain it all but I will try my best...

Dad, you have been a constant steady man in my life and someone I can always count on. You listen and give me advice but never pressure me too much. You tell me how it is when you feel strongly about something, and I know you love me for my strengths and weaknesses. When I have made mistakes you accept them and work with me to work through them. You love me unconditionally and there is no other man who will ever live up to that. Thanks for setting the bar so high.

Mom, because of you I have found, loved and succeeded in my career. You raised me with strong morals and beliefs. You taught me to be accepting, decisive, strong and independent. I call you almost everyday to talk 'work' and there is no one else who could take that place. You have been such a strong supporter in my life and career and I will never have anyone as special as you that can always hear what I'm saying, give me advice and just be a good ear for me to lean on.

I know that parents are supposed to be there to support their children but I feel that you go two above and beyond for my sister and I. Thank you for everything you do every day of every year - I appreciate you and love you both so much. 

Thankful

Today some people at work reminded me that I have MANY things and people to be thankful for in my life. I don't think I tell them enough that I am thankful for them and wouldn't be who and where I am today without them. So to the 7 influential and supporting people in my life, here goes....