Coffee schmoffee

I was supposed to have a sushi date this last Friday but generally I don't do food on a first date. 

Friday comes around and I'm just not feeling like dinner and I need a night to myself, so I postpone for coffee on Sunday. 

I'm so glad I did that because he isn't worth another date! He is a total gym guy (that wears a weird hemp necklace with a shark tooth) and doesn't ask anything about me, just keeps talking about himself. So glad we only met for an hour. Let's just say he ended it by saying "I'm sure I'll be hearing from you soon." Ha nope! I do have to see him at the gym sometimes so I'll be nice but that's all he's getting! 

Follow up: it was a few weeks and I finally saw him at the gym. I just didn't make eye contact and pretended I didn't see him or know him. If it makes me a bitch - oh well because he wasn't worth my time! He did the same and it's been like that ever since - good riddance! 

Strength...

As some of you know I have struggled with my body, weight and image for a long time. It's just something I have issues with and I am always wanting to improve and do better. I know that I just need to accept myself and be happy but this is my struggle, my walk through life right now. 

About 3-4 years ago I had gained some weight, I made some changes in my eating and drinking of water and lost 15 lbs! It felt amazing but for the life of me today I can't remember what it was specifically I did to lose the weight. It's frustrating! I've done almost everything and anything ($$) to try and lose more and have failed. 

Most recently I tried something new. For the last 8-10 weeks I've been doing heavier weight training. People say that you shouldn't bulk up, but I have a bit. Not only did I see it on the scale but my pants have been getting tighter - not what I was looking for! 

Starting March 1 I am trying a new one. First I will be doing the workouts called Insanity Max:30. Intense workouts in only 30 minutes - who doesn't have time for that?! Also I will be doing Shakeology for breakfast. I'm not sure how this will go because I use a lot of energy in my job and get hungry if I don't have enough protein and energy but it's worth a try! Lastly, I am going to try and take out most processed food. Maybe this has been an issue for me as well?! 

I'm putting this out here because we all have our own personal issues and continue to work on making ourselves better. Here are my stories (and fails), but hopefully one of these times I'm successful again! I'm going to keep working hard and keep pushing myself because that's what I do...

Thanks for listening 

OKC

Well I've had a few stellar dates lately - FYI I am being sarcastic... This guy Travis and I met for the first time at a bar I enjoy going to. He had to work at 10 (he works third shift as a chemist) so we had a drink and chatted. We seemed to get along although I wasn't feeling it all that much. In his pictures online he didn't have a beard - he had scruff (which is hot). I know that guys like beards in the winter, so then put one on your profile - I was not feeling the look of his beard - maybe it's the way he cut it. Anyways, we ended the night and I gave him my number (I don't give online dudes my number till after we meet). The second date is when the fun happens...

We are supposed to do something Monday night - so I text him Sunday and ask him what he would like to do. He told me it was up to me. I wrote back and suggested a drink again at a bar near his work (as it is only the second time and not at all serious). I didn't hear back from him all night and then almost the whole next day. 

3:00 rolls around and I still haven't heard from him. I head to he gym and work out for about an hour and a half. I get out of the gym and still nothing from him. 

5:30 after my shower I text him: ??

5:40: he texts me back and says that he's sorry he didn't realize he hadn't texted me back, he's at the gym and that he didn't feel like going to a bar. Ok... 

I text him back and asked him for ideas, when I got no response I told him to text me when he was done but some ideas were Bonefish, Olive Garden, Joeys and others around the mall. Nothing back...

6:30: (45 minutes later) he texts me that he just hit 250 on the bench. Then he proceeds to send me a selfie of himself at the gym... Really?! Like I care?! Also, he is not that big or muscular so what am I looking at here? 

6:45 Me: Dude can you give me an idea of time here? 

7:00 Travis: DUDE! Would you rather do Babes? I guess I can go there I don't care. Lol.

Me:  I'm good with whatever, just would like an idea of time. 

Travis: I'll be leaving the gym in a bit, I'll let you know when. 

Seriously?! Can you PLEASE just tell me time!!!! I hate sitting and waiting around - ridiculous!

Me: time and place - you name it. Sorry if I'm being pushy but I'm getting hungry and I don't like sitting around waiting. 

Travis: I don't blame ya, let's just do babes. 7:40ish? I'll leave soon to go home and change. 

Me: Cool 7:45 works. 

Travis: He sends me another selfie of his face at the gym. Awesome...

Travis: I'm almost 200# need to gain 12 more. Ok...

Me: haha

Travis (7:25): I'm at home just showered and changing - going as fast as I can. He lives in McFarland so it's a good 10-15 minutes to Babes. 

Me: Ok let me know when you leave. 

Travis: leaving my house in 10 minutes! 

Me: Ok I'll plan on 8 so you don't have to rush too much.

I get there at 8 and he's ten minutes late....grrrrr

Although he has annoyed me for two days now I tell myself to let it go and be happy during the date. I do and we have pretty good conversation. Again I find myself not loving the beard. As we are sitting there chatting I don't feel any kind of pull toward him. Usually when I feel a connection with a guy I feel this pull, and with Travis I just wasn't feeling that. It's a big sign to me and I know that there will for sure not be a third date. We say our goodbyes and I head home. I get a text from him later wishing he would have kissed my goodbye - I don't respond as I am glad we didn't - I didn't want to have to find my way through that beard! 

I'm chatting with a guy friend the next day and although I knew this he makes a very valid point: I waited around for him pretty much all night and that was only the second date. And while I'm sitting waiting around he's at the gym (not hurrying) and sending me selfies. What does that say about our future dates? I will continue to be waiting around on his schedule and it will only get worse. I'm not waiting around for anybody - at last at the beginning! They should be waiting around on me and wanting to leave the gym early to spend time with me. I hate dating...just want to settle down and be done with this...

Sometimes...

Homeless

This week I got a new student in my class. I didn't know he would be joining us until that morning. We were in the midst of getting student pictures taken. I am a picky teacher and I like to check all my students' pictures to make sure they look good and have a good smile. While I am amidst all this my new boy arrives and they are trying to get him to smile. He's scared, sad and does not know anyone. I kneel next to him and try to confort him but I am new to him as well. He's just got an odd smile so we do what we can. When we are done I call over a parent to help me so I can go introduce myself to his mom and chat for a bit. 

As she and I are talking this is what she informs me:

"We've been in Wisconsin for 3 days from Indiana. Dad was trying to kill me so we needed to leave. We try to get a space in a shelter to sleep at night and if we can't, we sleep in the van." 

I'm almost stunned with how honest she is right from the beginning but it gives me a good idea of where they are at and what my child needs - some extra love. I put my hand on her shoulder and tell her that she was brave for leaving that and she did what was best. I also tell her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. She seems y with that and I can tell she just wants what is best for her child. She is doing what she can right now.

At this point my new boy comes over and starts crying holding on to mom. I kneel down at his level, rub his back and just chat with him. He takes my hand and as mom walks away he holds on a bit tighter. Throughout the day he pretty much did not let go of my hand all day, always reaching for it and always finding it there for him. 

It was a busy day because I not only had him at my side learning all of our routines but I also had my other 14 students there continuing to learn our routines and move along with their day needing varied levels of my support at times.  

This boy needs my support and love and I will provide that for him and his family in whichever I can. 

4. Bestie 2

The next friend that I am so thankful for has been in my life for about 8 years. She and I have been through a lot these last 8 years: tailgating, haunted houses and barns, hiking, carving nights, movie nights, cry fests and laugh fests, fights and arguments, weddings, parties, people searches, boys, and so many more memories. This woman is someone I will have as a part of me for the rest of my life and I am so thankful for her. 

My dearest friend, throughout these last 8 years, you have continued to support, talk with, and challenge me. You have made my life better in so many ways and I am not who I am today without you. We have been through some tough times together, but I think that is what makes us even stronger. We can be through fun and easy times, but also the hard and challenging ones and for all those times I am so appreciative. 

I am so happy to be a part of your life and your changes as well. I only hope that I can do the same for you as you do for me. I hope you know that I always support you (even though at times I'm hesitant at first). I will always be someone you can rely on, vent to or to give you support and new ideas of how to get through a problem. I will always be someone that will try to make you laugh. I will be there to help you continue on your journey of life in the many new roads you may travel. 

Although we may not see everyday, I hope you know that you ar always in my thoughts and I am always wishing the best for you. We were meant to meet 8 years ago in the hallway and I am so thankful for you each day. 

I love you so much and always will! 

3. Bestie 1

To my bestie...let's call her Mandy. You have known me the longest, closest and best throughout these last 12 years. You know all my deepest and darkest secrets, accept me for who I am and support me no matter what. I only hope that I can do the same for you. 

You have such a good character vibe and know when to tell me when it is. You are a true friend and someone I feel that I can go to with good news or bad news and no matter what you will be there, whichever way I need you. I met your now husband ten and a half years ago and he has also become one of my best friends. I can tell him anything and I love that I can always have a good guys' perspective. 

When you two had your first child a year and a half ago, it changed everything - in a good way. I didn't know I wanted to have kids of my own before, and now very week when we do family dinner night (family-friend tradition!) I can't wait. I hate to cancel and love everything about it. Yep I mean it, I love changing her diapers, listening to her tantrums and most of all cuddling and putting her to bed. It has made me want this again and to be a part of your lives and her life in a completely different way has meant more to me than I ever imagined. I feel that our friendship is stronger because of it. 

Aside from the child, Mandy you are an amazing woman. You are confident, strong (don't ever doubt yourself on that), giving, kind, understanding, honest, loving and such a great friend. You are like a sister to me and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I strive to be like you - you are cool, calm and collected. You don't take things to seriously and remind me of that. You are funny and help me find the funny thigs in life. You challenge me in my beliefs and ask me questions to stir up thinking and why we support what we do. You help me see the better things in life when I cannot see them. 

I cannot wait for baby number 2 to get here in February! I will be here for you no matter how you need me - babysit, meals, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, or just someone to be there. I love you lots and always will. Thank you for being you and being in my life.