Lost and found

For so long I was single and I never knew what it was like to have that person that would always be there for you and with you no matter what. 

When people would say to me that I would finally find him and I would know what it feels like it just felt like a cliché and I hated it when they said that. No single girl wants to hear "it will happen for you when you're least expecting it." Please note that for future young friends or family. 

I was that girl, for so long and at my age I'm old enough to know what I want and what I don't want in a man. 

Well guess what, I am going to be that cliché girl and tell you that I have finally found the person that I perfectly fit with. He is everything that I have ever asked for, and more. He and I are so much alike and love such similar things together that there is no one else on this earth that could be better suited for me. I can't imagine my life without him and we have only been together for a little over a year. 

We met online and I know that is a place where people go to 'expect' to meet someone but it is a place where I never expected to meet anyone. I hate online dating and I never wanted to do it, although what was the point of not being on it when I don't go out to the bars anymore? I needed to put myself out there if I wanted to meet someone and it finally happened. 

I always compared online dating to reading a book and then going to see the Movie. You read the book and love it, and then you go to see the movie and you are very disappointed. That is what I feel like online dating is like. You get this image in your head of what that person is like and then you go to meet them and they are nothing like it. It is in the rare occurrence you meet someone from the online site and they are exactly who they say they are. That's what I got with Ryan andninam so lucky for that - I've been through plenty of 'frogs' or as some ladies say: liars and frauds. 

I have never been so happy and so excited for what my life has become, and what is waiting for me these next few years. I've FINALLY found my partner in life and I can't wait to spend every minute with him! 

We are moving in together in 2 weeks and although it might not be where we want to be its together and we will be happy. Life is good! 

Long time coming

I know it's been a while since I've written and I feel bad about that. Honestly... I'm not sorry because I was out living my life and didn't have time to write - I'm happy about that actually. The last 8 months have been a whirlwind...but a whirlwind of happiness. 

A little over 7 months ago I met my current boyfriend. We met on OKCupid. As most my friends know, I DESPISE online dating. I think it's fake. You know how you read a great book and can't wait to see it in the theatre? Then you go see it and it sucks? The movie is nothing like what you thought it would be? Yea, that's online dating...the online profile is never what you meet in person...sucks...

Anyways, BF and I met on OKCupid and I didn't expect it at all. Just kind of worked out. I didn't want to stop seeing him...ever...and he made me happy. He is such a great guy, and I love everything about him and his life. A major thing that makes him special is that he loves everything about me, even my love for wine and food. He always likes how I look - even when my hair is a mess! He doesn't care about that shit, which makes me worry less about looks and feel less secure about it. He does everything He can to make me happy and secure. He is everything I could have asked for. He gets me and I get him. We have so many things in common it's scary! I didn't know someone like him existed and I can't wait to see what waits for us in the future.

It's New Year's Eve and I'm sitting at home...alone. I know you might think I'm sad or upset by this but I'm really not. BF had to work a double today 7-11 and has to work a double again tomorrow 7-11 so he really can't stay up when he's gotta get up early and work all over again tomorrow. I get it. Work schedule kinda sucks for him but it isn't going to change and if I want to be with him I need to accept that and work with it. We do what we can when we can and that's the time that matters. When we live together ("holy shit I just said that?") we will be able to see each other even though we don't work the same shifts. If it is meant to be...it will be... 

I can't wait to see what happens next...

Not sure when I will be on here next because I'm living my life! 

Stay posted...maybe? 

Coffee schmoffee

I was supposed to have a sushi date this last Friday but generally I don't do food on a first date. 

Friday comes around and I'm just not feeling like dinner and I need a night to myself, so I postpone for coffee on Sunday. 

I'm so glad I did that because he isn't worth another date! He is a total gym guy (that wears a weird hemp necklace with a shark tooth) and doesn't ask anything about me, just keeps talking about himself. So glad we only met for an hour. Let's just say he ended it by saying "I'm sure I'll be hearing from you soon." Ha nope! I do have to see him at the gym sometimes so I'll be nice but that's all he's getting! 

Follow up: it was a few weeks and I finally saw him at the gym. I just didn't make eye contact and pretended I didn't see him or know him. If it makes me a bitch - oh well because he wasn't worth my time! He did the same and it's been like that ever since - good riddance! 

Strength...

As some of you know I have struggled with my body, weight and image for a long time. It's just something I have issues with and I am always wanting to improve and do better. I know that I just need to accept myself and be happy but this is my struggle, my walk through life right now. 

About 3-4 years ago I had gained some weight, I made some changes in my eating and drinking of water and lost 15 lbs! It felt amazing but for the life of me today I can't remember what it was specifically I did to lose the weight. It's frustrating! I've done almost everything and anything ($$) to try and lose more and have failed. 

Most recently I tried something new. For the last 8-10 weeks I've been doing heavier weight training. People say that you shouldn't bulk up, but I have a bit. Not only did I see it on the scale but my pants have been getting tighter - not what I was looking for! 

Starting March 1 I am trying a new one. First I will be doing the workouts called Insanity Max:30. Intense workouts in only 30 minutes - who doesn't have time for that?! Also I will be doing Shakeology for breakfast. I'm not sure how this will go because I use a lot of energy in my job and get hungry if I don't have enough protein and energy but it's worth a try! Lastly, I am going to try and take out most processed food. Maybe this has been an issue for me as well?! 

I'm putting this out here because we all have our own personal issues and continue to work on making ourselves better. Here are my stories (and fails), but hopefully one of these times I'm successful again! I'm going to keep working hard and keep pushing myself because that's what I do...

Thanks for listening 

OKC

Well I've had a few stellar dates lately - FYI I am being sarcastic... This guy Travis and I met for the first time at a bar I enjoy going to. He had to work at 10 (he works third shift as a chemist) so we had a drink and chatted. We seemed to get along although I wasn't feeling it all that much. In his pictures online he didn't have a beard - he had scruff (which is hot). I know that guys like beards in the winter, so then put one on your profile - I was not feeling the look of his beard - maybe it's the way he cut it. Anyways, we ended the night and I gave him my number (I don't give online dudes my number till after we meet). The second date is when the fun happens...

We are supposed to do something Monday night - so I text him Sunday and ask him what he would like to do. He told me it was up to me. I wrote back and suggested a drink again at a bar near his work (as it is only the second time and not at all serious). I didn't hear back from him all night and then almost the whole next day. 

3:00 rolls around and I still haven't heard from him. I head to he gym and work out for about an hour and a half. I get out of the gym and still nothing from him. 

5:30 after my shower I text him: ??

5:40: he texts me back and says that he's sorry he didn't realize he hadn't texted me back, he's at the gym and that he didn't feel like going to a bar. Ok... 

I text him back and asked him for ideas, when I got no response I told him to text me when he was done but some ideas were Bonefish, Olive Garden, Joeys and others around the mall. Nothing back...

6:30: (45 minutes later) he texts me that he just hit 250 on the bench. Then he proceeds to send me a selfie of himself at the gym... Really?! Like I care?! Also, he is not that big or muscular so what am I looking at here? 

6:45 Me: Dude can you give me an idea of time here? 

7:00 Travis: DUDE! Would you rather do Babes? I guess I can go there I don't care. Lol.

Me:  I'm good with whatever, just would like an idea of time. 

Travis: I'll be leaving the gym in a bit, I'll let you know when. 

Seriously?! Can you PLEASE just tell me time!!!! I hate sitting and waiting around - ridiculous!

Me: time and place - you name it. Sorry if I'm being pushy but I'm getting hungry and I don't like sitting around waiting. 

Travis: I don't blame ya, let's just do babes. 7:40ish? I'll leave soon to go home and change. 

Me: Cool 7:45 works. 

Travis: He sends me another selfie of his face at the gym. Awesome...

Travis: I'm almost 200# need to gain 12 more. Ok...

Me: haha

Travis (7:25): I'm at home just showered and changing - going as fast as I can. He lives in McFarland so it's a good 10-15 minutes to Babes. 

Me: Ok let me know when you leave. 

Travis: leaving my house in 10 minutes! 

Me: Ok I'll plan on 8 so you don't have to rush too much.

I get there at 8 and he's ten minutes late....grrrrr

Although he has annoyed me for two days now I tell myself to let it go and be happy during the date. I do and we have pretty good conversation. Again I find myself not loving the beard. As we are sitting there chatting I don't feel any kind of pull toward him. Usually when I feel a connection with a guy I feel this pull, and with Travis I just wasn't feeling that. It's a big sign to me and I know that there will for sure not be a third date. We say our goodbyes and I head home. I get a text from him later wishing he would have kissed my goodbye - I don't respond as I am glad we didn't - I didn't want to have to find my way through that beard! 

I'm chatting with a guy friend the next day and although I knew this he makes a very valid point: I waited around for him pretty much all night and that was only the second date. And while I'm sitting waiting around he's at the gym (not hurrying) and sending me selfies. What does that say about our future dates? I will continue to be waiting around on his schedule and it will only get worse. I'm not waiting around for anybody - at last at the beginning! They should be waiting around on me and wanting to leave the gym early to spend time with me. I hate dating...just want to settle down and be done with this...

Sometimes...

Homeless

This week I got a new student in my class. I didn't know he would be joining us until that morning. We were in the midst of getting student pictures taken. I am a picky teacher and I like to check all my students' pictures to make sure they look good and have a good smile. While I am amidst all this my new boy arrives and they are trying to get him to smile. He's scared, sad and does not know anyone. I kneel next to him and try to confort him but I am new to him as well. He's just got an odd smile so we do what we can. When we are done I call over a parent to help me so I can go introduce myself to his mom and chat for a bit. 

As she and I are talking this is what she informs me:

"We've been in Wisconsin for 3 days from Indiana. Dad was trying to kill me so we needed to leave. We try to get a space in a shelter to sleep at night and if we can't, we sleep in the van." 

I'm almost stunned with how honest she is right from the beginning but it gives me a good idea of where they are at and what my child needs - some extra love. I put my hand on her shoulder and tell her that she was brave for leaving that and she did what was best. I also tell her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. She seems y with that and I can tell she just wants what is best for her child. She is doing what she can right now.

At this point my new boy comes over and starts crying holding on to mom. I kneel down at his level, rub his back and just chat with him. He takes my hand and as mom walks away he holds on a bit tighter. Throughout the day he pretty much did not let go of my hand all day, always reaching for it and always finding it there for him. 

It was a busy day because I not only had him at my side learning all of our routines but I also had my other 14 students there continuing to learn our routines and move along with their day needing varied levels of my support at times.  

This boy needs my support and love and I will provide that for him and his family in whichever I can.